The Ultimate Career

The other day, I found myself in a conversation about work.  Bryan and one of his employees were talking about some of the issues that are ongoing at work.  I found myself unable to contribute to the conversation, only in part because it was specific to Bryan's work.  The other part is that I don't work.  My life doesn't have exhaustive parallels to what he does.  And when I try to be funny and insert a parallel (e.g. how many diapers did you change today?), it is absurdly unfunny.  At the end of the conversation, I felt frustrated that I couldn't participate in the conversation because I didn't have similar experiences to draw from.

It is hard, sometimes, to place a quantity or value on the work I do as a mother.  And it is hard for outsiders to really care about the simple and mundane things I do.  But as I pondered further, I explained to Bryan the the most important thing I did that day was to hold my toddler as she was waking up and groggy from her nap.  It's so hard to quantify the love and peace and safety she felt in that moment.  It is hard to quantify the relationships I'm building with each of my children, and it's hard to quantify the life lessons I am teaching them.

Raise your hand if either
1. You had a mother who loved and nurtured you and made you feel special?
2. Or you didn't, but wish you had?

Pretty much unanimous, right?  Society and media places so much emphasis on strong, sexy women.  They can have it all: kids, career, status.  And the same sources ignore or disparage motherhood as a career.  But deep down, we all know that everyone needs a mommy.

C.S. Lewis said, "The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career."  Sometimes it's hard for me, but I need to remember this.

Another quote I love is by Margaret D. Nadauld, who said, "Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."

When I read this quote, I think of my mother.  She put her family first, and I always knew she loved me.  My hope is that I can develop these attributes, remember my ultimate purpose, and be proud of the career I have chosen: Motherhood.

Going Public

Years ago, I wrote a blog post, I don't even remember which.  And someone made critical comments.  So I changed the settings to Private.

Let me back up a bit.

I have been shy most of my life.  I remember not being shy in Kindergarten, maybe.  And compounding my shyness is anxiety.  I think most of it is nature, and some of it may have been compounded by nurture.

Either way, I really, I mean REALLY, worry about what other people think or say about me; or in the case of my blog, what someone said about my writing.

I wish I could just blow things off and let them go, but it is much harder to do than to say.

So I'm going out there on a limb.  I'm going to make my blog public.

You will find some of my inner workings and confessions here.  You will find my testimony.  You will find my treasures.  You will find my imperfections.

Most importantly, I hope that if you read my blog, you will come away thinking and saying about me that I love God and that I'm trying to follow His Son, Jesus Christ.

Folded Towel

To give just a bit of background to this story, I will have to admit that:

1. I like to watch crime shows.  Not the overly gory and over-sexualized ones, but things like Dateline and the old 1990s real-life forensics shows.

2. I can't keep my house clean by myself.  I just can't.  I can admit that now.  There I said it.  Over the summer, I chatted with my friend Karen about organization (a topic we are both interested in), and she let me know that she has a side business helping people with that.  So in the fall I hired her to come help me declutter and clean out my house.  When we were all done, I realized that I lacked the motivation to keep it that way; so I hired her to come back and help me clean on a regular basis.  Now my house is mostly clean once a week for about an hour before the kids get home from school.  (Don't get me wrong, my kids still have to do chores and help around the house; I didn't let them off that easy!)

Often, when Karen comes, I let her do all the stuff I don't want to do (toilets and kitchen) while I vacuum, declutter, and put away laundry.  So yesterday, I was working on a pile of towels that had been washed, dried, and dumped on my bedroom floor.  As I was going through the towels, I came across a towel that had already been folded.  I must have folded it, forgotten about it, and dumped it into the pile without realizing (or caring?).  When I came across the towel, I knew I must have folded it; or at least someone did.  It couldn't have just magically dropped in such a perfect way as to end up with three folds producing a (nearly) perfect square.  It seems so obvious that the simple explanation is that the towel was already folded before it landed in the pile.

Many of the crime shows I have watched show how forensics can prove that someone was somewhere doing something.  The prosecution can suggest with near certainty that someone was somewhere doing something.  That the chances of the evidence being there without someone doing something is impossible.  Therefore, they solve crimes, criminals get convicted, and balance is restored.

As I pondered the folded towel, it was clear to me that I had folded the towel and dropped it in the pile.  It was not really a question of if, more a question of when and why.

So why is it so hard for some people to believe in God?  If a rectangular towel, folded three times, can't land in a pile neatly, then how can you explain more complex systems we see in the universe all the time?  What about the planets, the stars, the solar systems, and the galaxies?  What about the telescopes and photography that allow us to see them?  What about atoms and molecules and chemicals?  What about organic systems like reproduction, digestion, respiration, circulation, nervous; just to name a few?  If my towel didn't just drop neatly into three folds, then how could our world, with all its complexities, just drop neatly into place?

It brings new meaning to the scripture that "all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator" (Alma 30:44).

I do believe in God.  I believe that it is clearly apparent that He is there/here.  All we have to do is look around us, and we can see that He is in all things; He is watching over us.

Bad DAY

I had a really hard day on Friday.  I was dealing with some disappointment, I was dealing with a lack of sleep, and I was feeling lonely.  But I learned two things.

1. I told Bryan that I really wished that someone would feel prompted to call me.  That it's really frustrating, sometimes, when everyone thinks you must be okay because you go to church every week and put on a smiling face.  Well, Sunday came, and my friend told me that she thought about calling me several times, but she was sick.  While I'm sad that she didn't act on those promptings, I knew that Heavenly Father had sent them.  And I know that he loves me.

2. It really was only a day.  In the past, I have gotten sucked into depression because I let my sad feelings linger and take hold of me.  I'm learning, and sometimes succeeding, how to let a bad day be just one day.  I'm learning how to recognize that the feelings don't last, that life moves on, and I can let go and move on.  This is the perfect example of the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  He is making me more than I can be on my own.