First, I like rules. I like to follow rules. Rules are usually for the safety of one or another party, and sometimes for the convenience of one or another party.
Second, I like schedules. I like to have an idea of what to expect in my day. And if something comes up unexpectedly and urgently, I appreciate acknowledgement of my inconvenience.
Third, I like to be communicated with. If someone has an expectation of me, I like to know in advance, and I like to be asked nicely and with a "please."
Basically, I discovered that I like boundaries. It makes me feel safe.
This is why I also like routines, budgets, organization, advance notice, consistency, personal space, calendars, spreadsheets, clear job descriptions or list of duties, gratitude, punctuality, music, math, 5-year plan, decluttering, stopping at stop signs, proper grammar and punctuation, nice people, good sleep, Tetris, and taking turns.
I am not a confrontational person. Actually, I'm a very opinionated person, but I try to filter what I say so as not to offend others. I'm not always successful, and I hope that you will forgive me for my mistakes.
So this week, my boundaries were breached, it made me really uncomfortable. I knew I was getting too close to my breaking point, so I avoided the situation. I knew a confrontation wouldn't be helpful or fruitful, and might even be detrimental.
I knew that avoidance would be noticed, but I decided that I didn't need to apologize. Not even to myself. I did not need to feel guilty for doing the right thing, which was to avoid a fight. I felt relieved and relaxed, and I was able to enjoy the rest of my vacation.
I see it as finding middle ground for myself. By knowing this about myself, I can clarify what my boundaries are. Then I can know my limits, and I can avoid those things which tend to boil over.
A while back, I went to an LDS Family Counselor to deal with my anxiety and depression. In one of my two sessions, he said something profound:
To thine own self, be good enough.
And that's what I'm doing.
