Three Secrets to Success in Marriage

You have seen headlines like this, and you may have even clicked on the link to read the story.  The longer a couple has been married, their secrets carry a lot more weight.  I've been thinking about this, and I've been comparing it to the proliferation of books and movies of the genre Romance.  Almost always, the perfect but quirky girl finds the perfect but quirky guy, there is some kind of miscommunication, they get over it, they fall in love, and get married (pre 1990s only).  The story always stops there, but I always find myself imagining the babies they'll have and how their love will grow and grow until they are writing an article to share their special secrets of how it all worked.  And the truth about love is that the infatuation and excitement and honeymoon end.

I feel that the movies and books on romance send a message that love is always supposed to feel new.  And when it doesn't anymore, it makes you wonder if you are missing something.  In fact, the movies, and even real life reflect that: we fell out of love, we grew apart, something changed; so now we are going to peacefully separate and go our different ways.

I even feel the slightest bit irritated when people post Facebook statuses (stati?) about how they are still "so in love" after all these years, and they make it sound like they have found the fountain of youthful-marriage.

Here's the thing: I love my husband!  It is fun to think about when it was new, it helps to freshen up the mundane.  But my love for him has changed into something a bit more mature.  If I could offer one secret, it would be this: marry your best friend.  Attraction is good, and it has its place; but make sure that you enjoy each other in many, many other ways.  Bryan is my best friend in every sense.  We still occasionally feel surprised that we never run out of things to talk about.  And sometimes we talk about the same old things, but it is still not boring.  I love to know what he is thinking about and how he views things.  When we are apart, we still look forward to being together again.

The second secret, get ready for it! is forgiveness.  Living together all the time, having children, the fact that you are actually two different people with two different sets of experiences means that occasionally you will hurt one another, you will be irritated, and you will be frustrated.  When you choose (yes! it's a choice!) to forgive, and when you choose (yes! another choice!) to repent (feel bad, be sorry, and change for the better), the marriage gets stronger.

And last, but not least, is Christ.  A marriage is a triangle with Christ at the top, and the husband and wife taking each of the other corners.  As each spouse comes closer to Christ, they come closer to each other.  It takes effort, but it is worth it.

I'm not claiming, in any way, that our marriage is perfect.  It's not even close.  But I feel like it is pretty successful.

I feel very blessed to have Bryan as a husband.  He is really great.  He has so many gifts and talents that I don't have.  I know this sounds cliche, but he complements me.  He fills in my holes, and he inspires me to be better.  He is kind, he is smart, and he has great legs.  Just kidding.  Actually, no, I'm not kidding.