Just Call Me Debbie

I had a mental health counselor in Coeur d'Alene that really helped me through a lot of things.  One thing she said I will never forget: "What you resist will persist."  In other words, if you run or hide or avoid or distract yourself from your negative thoughts, they eventually catch up to you.  But if you turn and face them, name them, there is usually a way to move beyond.

I have been seeing a pattern in my depression this year.  It usually occurs at the end of the day on special holidays.  Particularly Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday.  As I have faced it, I discovered a name for it.  Loneliness.

My counselor suggested that you are at higher risk for depression when you are H.A.L.T.  Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.  I find that I am very susceptible to Tired, but I've also found that Loneliness is the worst for me.  My train of thought goes something like this:

I feel lonely=Nobody wants me=I should disappear.

While I'm not suicidal, I do feel a strong urge to withdraw from everyone.

What's hard about these holidays is that I know they're coming, and I dread them.  I can't seem to face the oncoming train.  It's also hard to be separated from all family and close friends.

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning.  But when I did, I felt surprisingly better.  I had a good cry last night, wore myself out, slept until 8:30, and I felt like I could manage the day.  The kids were really helpful in picking up the house with pretty good attitudes.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, I just have to get through Christmas.