XVII. Benjamin

 I was induced with Benjamin.  I don't think I've ever gone into labor on my own.  My babies have each been a good healthy size, and I'm not sure I ever want to go overdue and then try to deliver a huge baby.  And inductions seem to work well for me.  Except this time, the baby was sunnyside-up.  And with no epidural, it was exhausting, difficult, painful, never-ending transition.

 Have I ever told you that I LOVE BABIES?!  I love everything about them!  When this stage of my life is over, I will be really sad.

 Don't let that adorable face fool you!  Benjamin has actually been my hardest baby.  It could be that he didn't sleep well for a LONG time.  I was holding him almost all day for 5 months.  He was actually a very happy baby, as long as I was holding him.  He spits up (all my babies have) like no other.  The reflux could have been interfering with his sleep, and then his over-tiredness perpetuated a bad pattern.  It could be that I had 4 other children to take care of, so there weren't enough opportunities for me to reset.  It could be that my mental health is already fragile.  It could be that I felt particularly alone during this phase of my life.  In any case, it is not his fault, and I adore my Benjamin.

 When we got to the 5-month mark, the pediatrician resolved my concerns over the reflux.  We got serious about sleep-training.  For about two weeks, life was rough.  But we started seeing progress on the first night.  Then I started sleeping better, and then my brain cleared up.  I started having more energy and motivation, not to mention regular periods of hands-free existence (a.k.a. baby's naps).

Benjamin is such a sweetheart.  He is smiley, giggly, and cuddly.  He loves to kiss and hug me (slobber on and pinch me).  He can roll one way, he can almost roll the other way, he is sitting on his own for short periods of time, and he is starting to get up on his knees and try to scoot.  Everything goes in the mouth.  He loves food!  He only turns his nose up at baby formula, and I don't blame him.  He is my blondest kid so far.

I love my Benjamin!  I don't know what I would do without my Benjamin.

Clean House

Let's be honest.

I suffer from depression from time to time.  In my lowest lows, I can often feel Satan kicking me while I am down.  It is a dark, sad place.  Sometimes I just need a kind person to reach down and pull me out.

Yesterday, I slowly spiraled downward throughout the day.  I finally hit the bottom before bedtime when I prayed (begged) for Heavenly Father to help me out of my deep, dark pit.  He answered my prayer, and I was able to climb out (relatively quickly and painlessly, I might add).

Today I can sort of feel a little bit of a "hangover," and I will have to fight to overcome.  Sometimes it can be a real battle.

What does this have anything to do with cleaning my house?  Two things:

1) The reason for the slow spiral downward yesterday is that I was keeping myself extra busy with housework.  I was rearranging furniture and organizing things feverishly to try to keep the depression at bay.

2) When I am depressed, I feel like I have lost control.  I don't mean that as in "I lost my temper."  I mean, I feel like I am not in control of anything in my life.  I can't control people.  I can't control the weather.  I can't control circumstances.  But guess what I can control?  I can control how organized my house is.

I remember two instances specifically from my childhood of two very dirty homes.  One was so cluttered that there was no visible carpet.  The other one I only heard about, but never saw.  But the description included the clutter and also serious grime.  (Although, I'm not sure you can have that much clutter without also finding the grime.)  With those examples in mind, here are my reasons why I try to keep a (decently...imperfectly) clean house:

1) Laundry: a) How will you know what is clean and what isn't?  I guess you could sniff it, but I really despise sniffing laundry.  You have to keep it separate somehow.  It really doesn't matter what system you come up with, but the clean needs to stay separated from the dirty.  b) You will (I have) run out of clothes if you let the pile get too big.  Then you are scrounging through dirty clothes to find something to make do with.  Yuck.

2) Dishes.  Same story.  You will run out of things to eat from.  a) Fact:  if you have fewer dishes in your house, you will be more inclined to clean them.   In other words, the pile can never grow as big if you don't have as many.  b) Also, if you are keeping a regular dish-washing routine, you will find it is more efficient to do the dishes quickly before food gets dried and stuck on.

3) Everything has a place.  And everything in it's place.  This is important to me because it allows me to avoid the frustration of losing things.

4) Now is a good time.  Procrastination, for me, always creates a bigger headache later.  If I clean a little mess NOW, there won't be a big mess later.

5) I can walk a straight path from point A to point B.  Without tripping over stuff.  Often, I try to pick up the things between point A and B so it is clear the next time I take that path.

6) Safe for babies.  In a clean house, I can see what is out of place and what might be a danger to my children.  A cluttered house is an abyss of unknown dangers.  I suppose it is safer for everyone, not just babies and children.

7) Avoid disease.  Actually, an organized house gives me the freedom to deep-clean and sanitize those exposed surfaces.

8) Get rid of junk.  Things that you are not using are just taking up your valuable space.  Are you paying rent/mortgage to house your stuff? or are you paying to get the greatest utility/comfort of your home?

9) Save time.  Not only will you spend less time cleaning, but you won't be wasting time moving things from place to place to do other things.  And what will you be able to do with your extra time?  The sky is the limit.

I don't like cleaning.  I hate toilets especially.  But....  I like how I feel when it is done.  I feel like I accomplished something.  And I feel relaxed because now I have the freedom to do anything I want.

Until the baby wakes up from his nap.

Thoughts

Oh, my! It has been a LONG time since I posted anything.  So much has happened, namely Benjamin.  I will write more about him in an upcoming blog post, but for now I have a few thoughts I wanted to put out there.

Writers block aside, I haven't written for so long because my overarching motivation in life has been, "When am I going to get my next nap?"  Now that I am sleeping regularly again, my brain has turned back on.

• Smart phone. I strongly resisted getting a cell phone in the first place.  Mainly because I couldn't afford one.  I finally got one in about 2009.  I had three kids, and one of them had started school.  I felt like I needed my child to be able to reach me by phone even if I was out of the house.  Bryan urged me to upgrade to a smart phone after he got one for work.  I resisted again; my observation was that I had a cell phone, and I had access to the internet at home.  What more could I need?  Then, it was my turn for a free upgrade with our cell phone provider.  Free? Sure, why not?  And then, WOW!  I can't live without it.  This relatively tiny device now serves as a phone; and email, and facebook, and text, and calendar, and calculator, and bank, and camera, and video camera, and scriptures, and other gospel study, and clock, and weather, and phone book, and radio, and shopping list, and GPS, and internet, and Netflix.
• Netflix. I have had lots of forced down-time with a nursing baby.  (Not to mention that he needed to be held ALL DAY LONG for the first four months of his life.) It has been awesome to read my scriptures, study the gospel, play games, and watch movies.  On my phone.  In little 10 minute intervals, here and there.
• What the Dog Saw, by Malcolm Gladwell. One of the stories he talks about in this book is the Dog Whisperer, who has a certain calm energy that allows him to "rehabilitate dogs and train their owners." So I started watching some of the episodes of this reality TV show (in the aforementioned small doses).  Cesar Millan's philosophy with dogs is Body-Mind-Spirit; or in other words: focused exercise for the dog, pack-leader mentality for the person (which helps the dog to know his place, correcting bad behaviors), and affection.  In that order.  It got me to wondering if some of this philosophy could be used on children.  Especially lately, with temperatures in the extreme cold, my kids have developed cabin fever.  It is definitely hard for them to behave and get along with all that pent up energy.  1) They need exercise.  2) It is my job to guide my children and offer discipline (in the form of punishment, yes, but also in the form of giving them responsibility and structure). 3) My children need to know that I love them; and that I respect them; and that food, shelter, clothing, etc., is my service to them.  But of course my children are not dogs, and their psychology is not that simple.
• Nanny 911.  So it got me to wondering what reality TV shows might have addressed parenting issues, and I came across Nanny 911.  I have only watched a few episodes (intermittently).  Instead of learning anything new, I have been shocked at the clueless-ness of the parents.  I suppose I am not an expert in child-rearing; I never had any formal education to that end.  But I certainly had loads of informal education watching my own parents.  Some of it I remember (in the form of, "I'm starting to sound like my mother").  Some of it must have been ingrained in me subconsciously.  And some of my skills have been acquired through pondering, problem-solving, asking experts (like my mom), and receiving answers to prayer in tiny doses of inspiration.
• Kids are smart.  They can and will exploit parental weakness.  (Digression here: when I started writing this blog, I spouted off my opinions about child-rearing.  As I've grown, and as my children have grown, I realize that some of my assumptions were naive.  My guess is that after nearly 10 years of parenting, I am still quite naive.  Perhaps some of my opinions today will change again as we continue on this journey.)  So here are some of the things I have learned.  
• Children need sleep.  Sometimes they need to be trained to sleep (i.e. cry it out until they learn how to soothe themselves).  It seems like a mean thing to do, but you are teaching them an important life skill.  In the long run, they will appreciate that you allowed them to learn something hard because they will be happier people who are sleeping properly.
• Children need structure.  Guess what?  Those naps and bedtimes need to be pretty regular.  And actually, they really need to be on a normal-people schedule.  Society demands that we start our day and end it at certain times.  Most people have 8 to 5 jobs.  Even if you don't have a job like that, school starts and ends on normal-people schedule.  If your kid can't get up decently early, he will struggle with the societal norms.  He will need to go to school.  He will need to get a job.  We are not just having children to "play house," but it is our responsibility to help our children to be prepared to take care of themselves.  Also, children need to eat on a regular schedule.  Their digestive systems will thank you, not to mention a whole host of health issues that can arise from not eating enough, or eating too much, or not eating enough variety.
• They also thrive on a daily routine.  I'm not suggesting that you have an extremely rigid routine every day.  I certainly don't do that.  But regularly scheduled play times and quiet times are in good order, and they can help the child know what's coming next (and the hope is that they will respond positively and whine less...).
• Children need rules and consequences.  And then they need consistency.  When they know what to expect, they learn good behavior more quickly.  Read: kids crave boundaries.  Boundaries make us feel safe.  It is no different with kids.
• Children need to hear the word NO.  They need to understand which behaviors are unacceptable.  They need consistent consequences when they exhibit those behaviors.  Tantrums are not okay.  Parents, coddling or giving into tantrums is not okay.
• Children need to work.  NEED.  This is right up there with food and water, folks.  Seriously, how do you think your adult kid is going to find food and water if he can't work?  And if I had to do everything around here, we'd all be going crazy.  There are seven of us now.  The more children I have, the more obvious that EVERYONE NEEDS TO PITCH IN!  Kids can clean up after themselves.  They can pick up their toys.  They can help put dishes away.  They can sort laundry.  They can entertain each other.  When they get older and more coordinated, they can operate a broom, then a toilet bowl brush, then a vacuum, then a lawn mower.  It cannot be a free ride.  Being in a family means that we help each other!  I get it: the job is not going to be done as well as if I did it myself.  But frankly, sometimes that's the only way it gets done at all, with all the other things I have to do.  (And I'm training kids to have good skills in the meantime.)  I'm totally okay with kids getting the job done, and then me going back and fixing it later if I have time. And kids can be responsible for their own homework and practicing sports or instruments (usually with a little encouragement from mom or dad; and sometimes a ride).
• Mom is a facilitator.  Mom is the oil that keeps things running smoothly.  That does not mean that Mom does everything.  In our house, that usually means Mom is up to her elbows in dirty laundry, dirty dishes, or dirty diapers; calling out requests (nicely-worded orders) to her children.  Not everything is going to get done every day (my perfectionist side is trying to come to terms with this).  And sometimes you get enough done before sitting down and taking a break or playing with the kids.  Our motto is: We Work Hard, Then We Play Hard.
• Kids need to play!  Much of the work they do looks like play.  But have you ever noticed how much they are learning by playing?  For example, a baby learning to roll over (such as my little Benjamin right now) WORKS REALLY HARD to figure out where to put his arms, and how to move his head, and how to swing his hips over.  It's hard work!!!  What I love about observing babies is that they never give up.  They don't view it as work, but they are motivated because they think they are playing.  I need to be more like that!

So don't get me wrong.  These are my observations of what works.  These are not my list of accomplishments, by any stretch of the imagination.  We have certainly done our fair share of trial and error.  And the errors have caused a lot of frustration.  In fact, some of the things that have worked have started out extremely frustrating; but after much consistency we've had breakthroughs with our children.  The grind of consistency has paid off.  I think the most important observation is that my kids are happy and well-behaved most of the time.  They are comfortable hearing the word "No." They get excited to help out (sometimes).  They are respectful to other adults and children.  They are happy to be part of a loving, working family.

The end.

XVI. Isaac

World, be jealous: you don't get to be this boy's mother!

Isaac came into the world with his arm next to his head, like Superman.  And then he started running and jumping and climbing.

Okay, maybe not exactly.  But Isaac is an adventurer.  He is not cautious; he wants to be big and try new things.  From the time he could crawl, he was climbing stairs.  By the time he could walk, he could get himself onto the counter top (we believe he would have been capable of reaching the ceiling above the fridge if we hadn't caught him in time).  He has no fear.  He will jump into a pool with no sense of danger and no life jacket.  It really is amazing, sometimes, that this child is still alive.  In fact, the first time we almost needed stitches was last week.  He tells me he hit his head on his pillow during nap time, but I'm suspicious.  He must have had the pillow between his head and something much more injurious.

Not to be outdone, this boy started speaking in complete sentences at a very young age.  He narrates everything that goes across the ticker-tape of his brain.  And he is smart!

This is a boy who knows what he wants.  He is in a phase right now in which he needs things to be done in a particular way, or the world might just fall apart.  You know, the phase that Joseph is finally growing out of...

Isaac has a sense of humor.  He likes to laugh.  He likes to make up jokes.  He'll even laugh when everyone's laughing, even if he doesn't understand what's so funny.

Isaac is learning how to be obedient.  But sometimes he likes to push the boundaries as far as they will go first.  But one success, I think, is that he is learning the "first you have to ... then you can" concept.  He doesn't like to be told "no," so this works well for me.  But if I tell him "no," as sometimes must be done, then he'll say, "Mom, you're being mean."  And so I am.

Isaac is so righteous that he often hijacks prayers.  If it were up to him, he would say every prayer.  He also likes to hijack all the parts of Family Home Evening (prayers, songs, lesson, activity) if he can.

He will always be the first to help me bake or cook.  It really upsets him if he can't dump everything in the bowl, and he doesn't always have patience to let me finish measuring first.  He loves to help with dishes, which I really don't love.  But he jumps at any chance to play in the water and bubbles.

Isaac wants to be big.  Last week he asked if he could try out the potty.  It was not convenient for three reasons: 1) I was fixing the potty right then, 2) we were getting ready for a vacation, and 3) the new baby will be here very soon (and I don't want to have to potty-train twice due to regression).  Luckily, he hasn't brought it up much again since, and I'll wait a couple months before reminding him.

He has a favorite blankie, a.k.a. ngangie, a.k.a. ngnangie monkey (it has monkeys on it); not to be confused with his "blanket," which is the comforter on his bed.

You can probably tell that this boy is a pretty busy little boy.  I am constantly baby-proofing.  Especially making sure the doors are locked (did I tell you he walked himself to the park a few months ago?!).  The thing is, he is smart enough to undo every type of baby-proofing device known to man (I've watched him dismantle quite a few already), so he really could get into anything if the idea came into his head.

Isaac loves to read.  And spell.  Well, I read to him (a lot), and Bryan spells with him (most words are spelled "R-R-R," "I-I-I," or "E-I-E," if you didn't know.

Isaac is still learning how to share and be nice and gentle.  This boy is a work-in-progress.  But he is such a fun kid.  He brings an element of excitement to our family.

I love him.  I cannot imagine my life without my Isaac!

XV. Joseph

My Joseph.

I guess a huge reason why I want to write these posts about my children is because I'm extremely curious to know if they'll grow up to be bigger versions of their young selves.

Joseph is a third child, poor thing.  I try not to change my parenting, but the inevitability is that he has always vied and will always be vying for my attention among several other children.  Which brings me to point number one: Joseph is super-competitive.  He always wants to be first.  Everything is a contest.  And he gets so frustrated, to the point of melt-down, if he can't win.  And the reality is that he is still smaller than the older two, and often he just can't win.  And he fights back.  I told Caleb recently, "You better be nice to him now, because someday he'll be bigger than you."  Even if Joseph doesn't grow taller than his older brother, he is certainly built stockier.

In that way, he is much like his father.  Stocky, competitive, and athletic.  We certainly have noticed his natural athletic abilities.  He also stays interested in sports longer than anyone else.  I imagine he will be driven to excel at something, like his dad.

Joseph doesn't take a back seat to anyone academically, either.  He is on his way to reading, being able to spell and sound out many words.  He can also calculate simple math problems in his head.  We are going to do a different preschool co-op with him this year (wish me luck!).  I think he will exceed expectations, but I'm sure he will love the repetition and just being with friends.

He is starting to become more aware of his surroundings and renew his sense of humor.  We used to call him "Joyseph" when he was a baby.  And then that sweet disposition disappeared completely.  All my kids went through a phase, starting at about three years old, when things had to be done in a certain way or the world fell apart.  Joseph was a bit extreme in this phase, and nothing ever went his way.  But now I am seeing that he is growing out of it.  Something in his eyes tells me he is starting to "get it."

Joseph loves to help.  He will be the first person to help me cook food.  And he will be the first person to weed the garden.  He loves dirt.  You will often find this boy covered in dust.

He loves Lightning McQueen and Mario and the color red.  For a while his favorite color changed to blue, because "blue are the good guys and red are the bad guys."  But now it's back to red.  He often dresses himself, and you will likely find him in a new red outfit as long as the clothes are clean.  He is very independent.  He likes to check in with me frequently, but he certainly wants to do things his own way.

Something else about Joseph is that he is very cautious.  He is not too willing to try new things.  And he is not likely to bow to pressure either.  If he says no, he means it.

A warning: this boy can be a chatter-box.  If you choose to engage him, he will talk your ear off.  And he will be super-animated, with great expressions, vocal inflections, and hand gestures.

I also think Joseph is going to grow up to be amazingly handsome.  :)

My Joseph keeps me on my toes, but I completely adore him.  I don't know what I'd do without my Joseph.

XIV. Savanna

Wow, it's been a while.  Again, I've been putting this off, trying to find a time when I could really sit down and think about this darling little girl and what I might say about her.  But I need to get cracking because I'd like to finish the posts about my kids before the next baby arrives.

Savanna has always been such an easy-going little girl.  For the most part, she is a peacemaker.  She loves to help me, and she enjoys playing with the other kids.  This year she has branched out a bit more, and she plays with friends more.  Everyone is her best friend.  She makes friends so easily, I'm baffled!  Wherever she goes, she will have a new friend.  She is also everyone's cheerleader.  If there is something to cheer about, or just some needed uplifting, you can count on Savanna.

Savanna is sooo affectionate.  She loves to give hugs and kisses, and her smiles are so sweet and sincere.  She is a nice girl.  She is also very sensitive.  Sensitive to others' needs, and sensitive in the emotional sense.  Sometimes she just needs a good cry and a solution, and then she's reset.  She's a pretty typical girl.

My sister-in-law and I were recently discussing the importance of building a healthy self-image in our children.  I'm going to have to disagree that my daughter should be deprived of compliments to her beauty in favor of compliments to her cleverness.  (Don't get me wrong, I actually think that children should be complimented for their intellect, kindness, and right choices, as well as looks.  They need all of it, even boys.)  This little girl is beautiful.  She has such a natural beauty; I hope she will be confident in the looks department all her life, because she is not deficient by any means.  And maybe a huge part of that is her radiant countenance.  She is a good girl, and she is so sweet.  What could be more attractive than that?

Savanna is also very smart.  She was so beyond Kindergarten when she started Kindergarten.  She started out counting past 100 and reading books (forget the ABCs).  The highlight of her day was always what she ate for snack time.  At the end of the year, the teacher was scrambling to keep her busy with math problems and book reports on chapter books.  Even still, she loved school.  She loved her friends, she loved her teacher, she loved playing, and she loved riding the bus.  She is very excited for first grade.  I just hope we will get a teacher as willing to work with her, as advanced classes don't start until third grade.

Savanna has an ear for music.  She can sing in tune better than most adults!  And she doesn't even know it.  She particularly loves to mimic me and pretend to use vibrato whenever she can.  Sometimes it makes me giggle, sometimes (like in Sacrament Meeting) I have to ask her to tone it down.  She is also learning to read music as I teach her piano lessons.

She is such a little mother.  She likes to pretend to play house whenever she can: cooking, cleaning, and playing with her dolls.  She is very excited for the real baby to come and has asked that she be the first to hold it.  She is convinced it will be a girl because she wants a sister so badly.  She always hugs my tummy, and she giggles every time she can feel the baby move.

Perhaps it is not fair to write this post about her now (as well as the younger siblings) because we haven't quite figured out what other talents she has.  She is interested in playing soccer, so we'll probably try that in the fall.  She loves to play outside with Daddy; it doesn't even matter what it is.  She loves swimming, pink, and pretty things.  She does her own hair as often as she can.  And she started learning how to crochet last week.  She loves to read and sets goals for herself to finish chapter books quickly.  She is a great helper and can do most chores I ask her to do.

I don't know what I'd do without her.  I love my Savanna!

XIII. Caleb

Once again, I have put off blogging because how in the world do you write a post about your beloved little people without forgetting anything?  It seems like a very daunting task.

 

We'll start with number 1.

 

Caleb came into the world on an awesome epidural.  I remember looking at this little creature in my arms and feeling a sense of, "This is weird."  I know, not what you'd expect.  But it was the first little person I birthed, and it took a little while (like an hour) for me to acclimate to loving someone I'd never even met.

Luckily, I had an awesome mom who taught me a lot about mothering through my own childhood, that the rest of motherhood seemed to come pretty naturally.  There wasn't much that surprised me about taking care of a baby, and I knew which sources could give me reliable answers.

Caleb has always been smart.  I'll try not to brag too much, but I do reserve the right to brag a little (it is my blog, after all).  When he turned 5 just weeks before the deadline to enter Kindergarten, I knew there was NO CHANCE we could even consider holding him back.  He. Was. Ready.  Reading and writing before he was four, we were certain he could keep up.  It turns out that even though he has consistently been one of the youngest in his classes, he has always been one of the more advanced.  I believe he has a photographic memory of sorts, and he tests really well.  He learns fast; once the light goes on, he usually remembers any given academic skill.

Legos have been one of his favorite toys for several years now.  He can create!  Not only does he have a creative artistic ability (like, he can think of something original in his head), he has an engineering mind.  His creations often have functional moving parts, which I know must take a lot of forethought to get it just right.  He wants to be a Lego designer when he grows up, but I imagine he will move on to bigger and better things.

This boy can draw!  Same creative artistic ability applies here.  It comes out of his head (and sometimes his memory) and straight onto the paper.  He is also a master at copying images he sees.  He has also dabbled in origami; again with the engineering mind.

As an 8 (almost 9)-year old, Caleb likes video games.  He has a list of chores that take him about an hour each day before he can play half an hour of video games, but it's a good motivator.  Mom and Dad also have complete control over which games he is allowed to play, so we feel good about this little motivational system.

Caleb can play piano.  He started really practicing this year, and he is flying through his lessons.  It helps that I teach him, so he can pass off songs as often as he is ready.  He has always had an ear for music, matching pitches at 10 months old (I heard that the average child can match pitches by age 6).

He loves to ride bikes, and he ran cross country this past year.  He was also on two different basketball teams, but he seems to do better at individual sports.  We need to explore his athletic abilities a bit more.

Caleb is an awesome helper.  He can do most tasks, and he really makes my life easier in many ways.  "Caleb" means obedient or faithful, and it perfectly describes my oldest son.  He really understands the difference between right and wrong, and he is very reasonable.  I can usually explain something to him, and that is discipline enough.

Caleb is a very friendly person.  And he is always looking for a laugh.  Something I love about Caleb is that since he was a baby, he would get hiccups every time he belly-laughed.  And he still does.  :)  It's adorable.

He is very self-motivated.  Usually he does his homework and practicing on his own, with an occasional question for me.

Caleb is a good friend and a good big brother.  He is usually aware of the weaknesses of others and lifts them up.  He wants to be liked by everybody, but he is learning how to choose friends that are good for him too.

Caleb is independent.  He is still very affectionate, and he checks in with me regularly throughout the day.  But he is perfectly happy doing his own thing.

I love this boy!  He is a huge blessing in my life.  I can't imagine my life without my Caleb.