X. Boyfriends

I think it appropriate that this topic chronologically falls on Roman Numeral X.

I remember having crushes on boys since Kindergarten, a different boy each week that I would marry someday.

I became increasingly shy over the years.  I went from announcing to the whole class, "I have a crush on so-and-so," to never speaking to the boy I had a crush on.  Too many boys never even knew I existed, and I certainly didn't help them along.

So I will define a boyfriend as someone with whom I had mutual interest, to the point of some sort of exclusivity.

1. I was sixteen when I started dating my first "boyfriend" Jared.  He was the first boy to hold my hand.  At some point, he even told me he loved me.  I regretted it at the time, but I responded with, "You don't even know me."  And it was true, he didn't!  Now I look back and congratulate myself, saying, "Good girl!  That's right!"  When he finally got around to kissing me for the first and last time, our mutual interest was waning.  Soon after, on the day of my birthday party actually, we really talked for the first time.  What you have to understand is that we barely ever saw one another, and we didn't talk.  I'm not sure what we did, actually.  Seems rather boring now.  So we finally had a DTR (Define the Relationship) for the first time that night, and we finally talked that night.  He hadn't felt "fireworks" when he kissed me (it was a peck).  So it was over.  Soon after, he started taking out my brother's old girlfriend.  That was probably when Dallon and I really bonded for the first time (haha!).

2. I met John when I was in 10th grade, I think.  He was a year younger than me: much closer to my little sister's age.  I would say that John was my first real boyfriend.  We had a great friendship long before we started dating.  It was a difficult decision for me to start dating him though, because I had always been taught to date within my faith (so that I could get married in the temple someday, among other reasons).  John wasn't really active in any religion.  I finally started dating him, and eventually he joined the Church.  He and I shared a lot of friends; and he was really close to my family, especially Dallon.  Then I went away to college, and he stayed behind.  That's when things got tough.  I spent a lot of hours talking to him on the phone on the weekends.  When I went home for Christmas, he proposed to me.  I think it was meant to be more of a "promise ring," but we had long-term plans to get married after he went on a mission.  That's when things started falling apart.  I went back to school, and he started making some bad choices.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing from my sister Sharley, who was still in classes with him at the high school.  I also found out that he had stopped going to church.  I talked to him on the phone about it.  I told him I was going to take off my ring for a while, until he was ready to try again.  During the summer, I went home to visit again.  Oh, how I hoped he would be ready to get back together!  But, oh, the crushing disappointment to find out he really didn't want to anymore.  He had been going out with other girls, he had wrecked a car or two, he had tried drugs and alcohol, and he was into pornography.  It was not meant to be.  We had dated for about two years.

By the time I got to college, I was a serial first-dater.  I got a lot of first dates, but not a lot of second dates.  I think it was because I was so shy that guys interpreted that to mean that I wasn't interested.  But there were a few that I went out with more than once.

3. I met Eric through a mutual voice teacher at BYU.  We sang a duet together in a recital, and then we started going out.  Eric was a bit awkward.  He drove from Indiana to Tennessee to visit me one summer.  We had held hands, and we had kissed, I think, before that.  But when I kissed him one night, I realized that the awkwardness was too much.  Or maybe he had discovered that he wasn't as interested in me as he thought.  Or maybe I realized that he was too much of a rebound.  We had never made anything official, and we kind of just broke off contact after that.

4. I met Clifton at an after-choir-concert dance.  We started going out and became exclusive pretty quickly.  I was the first girl he ever kissed, so there was a bit of awkwardness there.  Soon after we started going out, though, he started trying to change things about me.  He wanted me to dress more fashionably (I guess I've never been very stylish).  And all the while, even though I never said it out loud, I didn't like the way he dressed either.  He also really liked to exercise, and told me that I should exercise too.  He was tall and too skinny, so I felt chubby next to him already.  I never really felt right dating him, and I broke it off after 5 weeks.  He tried to get back together with me, telling me that he had changed (that he would stop trying to change me).  I remember feeling so sad about the break-up, but I knew I wasn't going to change my mind.

5. Bryan was the best boyfriend ever.  He still is, ten years later and counting.  :)  More on this story later.

IX. Academic/Extra-Curricular

Kindergarten: I don't have much to say about this year, except that when we moved, I switched from half-day to full-day.  And in full-day Kindergarten, the kids took a nap every day on mats on the floor.  I never could fall asleep, since I wasn't used to having a nap anymore.  I think my mom also started teaching me piano when I was 5.

1st Grade: I started leaving the classroom to do accelerated work (like math games in the computer lab--yeah, awesome...).

2nd Grade: I switched schools halfway through the year, and they taught French at the second school.  I only remember "Bon jour, mes amis" and "Au revoir, mes amis."  (Although I wouldn't have been able to spell them until after several diction classes at BYU.)

3rd Grade: I was tested for the gifted program.

4th Grade: I attended the gifted classes.

5th Grade: I attended the gifted math class and went to the highest reading class.

6th Grade: I attended the accelerated English and Math classes.  I also started band, learning to play the flute.

7th Grade: I attended the accelerated English and Math classes, but with two different teachers this time.  I continued to take band.  I also auditioned and was accepted into All-East Band. 

8th Grade: I quit the gifted program because the teacher was horrible (ask any of my friends!).  Several other kids quit that year, and eventually the teacher was fired.  I started taking Latin.  I continued to take band.  Again, I auditioned and was accepted into All-East band.

 9th Grade: I attended the U.S. Government class that was meant for gifted kids, but they let me in anyway (even though I wasn't "gifted" anymore).  I attended another year of Latin.  I quit band.  But I attended the Music Appreciation class, because I was interested in music.  It turns out that it was a class where all the lazy kids were dumped.  There was no functional choir at the school, nor had there been for 20 years.  I also attended early-morning Seminary (I believe we studied the New Testament).

10th Grade: A new teacher was hired to teach choir.  My dad suggested that I offer to accompany the choir in exchange for voice lessons.  So I did!  I got a great deal out of it because I was improving two of my talents for free.  I also attended early-morning Seminary (I believe we studied the Old Testament).

11th Grade: I continued with accompanying and voice lessons.  I auditioned for, and was accepted into, Tennessee Governor's School for the Arts.  It was a month-long summer program in which I was exposed to intense vocal training, choir, and opera scenes.  I also started working in my dad's business.  And I started taking piano lessons from a nearby university.  (This teacher was also lousy, so I gave it up after a while.)  I also attended early-morning Seminary (I believe we studied Church History and the Doctrine and Covenants [another LDS scripture]).

12th Grade: A new teacher was hired to teach choir (the other one had a baby and left).  She didn't allow me to accompany, so I joined the choir.  I still continued to take voice lessons with the other teacher, though.  I finally got up the courage this year to audition for All-East choir and All-State choir.  I easily got into both, with the highest score of anyone who auditioned.  I also continued working for my dad. I again attended early-morning Seminary (I believe we studied the Book of Mormon).  I also completed my Personal Progress this year (a four-year program for the young women at church in which we set goals and completed spiritual tasks and lots of service.)

BYU: I continued to take voice lessons, joined the choir, did opera scenes, and a whole host of other music classes (Diction, Theory, Sight-Singing, Dictation, Music History, Opera Scenes, Masterclasses, Pedagogy, Functional Piano Skills, etc.).  I also took several religion classes: Old Testament, New Testament, Church History, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price (another LDS scripture), Book of Mormon, Marriage and Family, and The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

All-in-all, I have had about 9 years of choir (if you include post-college choirs), 9 years of voice lessons, 3-4 years of piano lessons (I took lessons pretty sporadically, but I was always practicing), and 3 years of band.  I have been teaching piano and voice lessons on and off for about ten years.  I also had about 8 years of intense gospel study.

I have a great brain for math, which aids in my musical abilities.  Unfortunately, I don't have a brain for creativity.  So my talents are all very formulaic and less expressive, although I'm working on that...

VIII. Mom's Cancer

One morning, when I was 16, I was being sassy to my mother.  I don't remember the circumstances at all, just that I was being disrespectful for some reason.  I don't even remember her reaction, but I remember my dad's reaction.

He grabbed me by the shoulders, and told me that I should never treat my mother that way.  Then he broke the news to me that she had cancer.

I don't think I even knew it was a concern.  I found out later that she had been to a doctor for another reason, and the doctor somehow noticed a lump on her throat.  The doctor ordered a biopsy, and it came back positive for thyroid cancer.

Thyroid is the slowest-growing, most treatable cancer.  My mom had Stage 4 cancer; Stage 5 is usually terminal.  This meant that she likely had the cancer most of her life.

Of course, I was experiencing this process as a teenager.  So I was much more concerned about myself and what it would mean to me, than about my mother and what she was going through.  Or even my dad, what he was going through, and what it meant to him.

Initially, the treatment would mean surgery.  For some reason, on the day of the surgery, my siblings were not home.  The younger children probably were with babysitters.  I think maybe my brother and I had jobs, and we worked that day.  But I was home earlier than Dallon, and I remember just waiting around to get the phone call about how the surgery went.

Once the surgeon began the operation, he discovered that the cancer was more extensive than he had guessed.  Some of the tumors were wrapped around a nerve to one of her vocal cords.  She would lose her voice.

Soon after, when my mom was in recovery, my dad took me to visit her.  On the way to the hospital, he tried to prepare me for what I would see, and he also tried to prepare me that she might die.  But my mom was beautiful!  She had tubes attached everywhere, but I was so happy to see her.

She told me later that when she was in the ICU, she had a scary experience.  Somehow the tube in her throat had failed to drain her throat properly.  She began to choke, and she could not reach the call button.  She began to panic, so she said a prayer in her mind.  The words came to her mind:

Night gathers round my soul
Fearful, I cry to Thee,
Come to mine aid, O Lord!
Haste Thee, Lord, haste to help me!

Hear my cry, hear my cry
Save me, Lord in Thy mercy;
Hear my cry, hear my cry!
Come and save me, O Lord!
(O Divine Redeemer, Charles Gounod)

My mother was a singer with a beautiful voice.  Because the operation potentially could take her voice, she had sung this song the night before the operation.  She also received a priesthood blessing.

Miraculously, God caused a nurse to notice my mom's distress, and she was able to fix the problem so my mom could breathe again.

When she was recovered enough, she began going through radiation treatment.  Her throat was literally cooked, so that it was difficult for her to swallow.  She started drinking Ensure (like Slimfast) to gain weight.

I got my driver's license soon after, so that I could occasionally drive her to her radiation treatments.

My mom eventually made a full recovery (with some lasting side-effects) and has been in remission for over 14 years.

It wasn't long after her recovery that she began to take voice therapy lessons at Vanderbilt University.  Through her hard work, she was able to relearn the notes in her voice.  Because one vocal cord is paralyzed, the other compensates by coming over to meet the other.  She has a very quiet, airy voice because the vocal cords never completely close together.  My mother is such an inspiration.  She even recently joined a choir!

My mom worked so hard to beat the cancer because she knew that she still had important things to do with her life, especially to raise her family.

I am so grateful that she is still around.  I still need her.  I can't imagine my life without her.

Thanks and praise be to God for saving her!

VII. Baptism

Soon after I turned 8, I was baptized.  I remember the day pretty clearly.  It was a beautiful summer day.  I wore an outfit my mom made for me, a shirt and skirt that matched with a beautiful pink flower pattern.  My mom French-braided my hair.

We were in a brand-new ward, and I remember that another person was baptized that day.  I wore a white jump-suit, and my dad baptized me by immersion.

That night, my grandparents gave me my own set of scriptures with their testimonies written inside.

The next day was Sunday, and my Grandpa Holmes confirmed me (which means that he laid his hands on my head to bless me, officially joined me to the Church, and conferred upon me the gift of the Holy Ghost).

Even though there isn't a whole lot to say about the actual day, it was truly significant to me.

I am a Mormon.  In fact, most of my ancestors go all the way back to the beginning of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Regardless of my heritage, I have come to know the truthfulness of the gospel through my own study and prayer.

How are Mormons different than mainstream Christianity?  I won't attempt to be exhaustive in my answer, but I will name a few significant differences.

We are not Protestants.  We did not break off from any other church.  We believe that Christ restored the gospel through the prophet Joseph Smith.

We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.  We believe they are three separate members of the Godhead.  They have different roles, but They are unified in Their purpose (to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man).

We believe the Bible, and we believe the Book of Mormon is also the word of God.  The Book of Mormon is a history of two groups of ancient people who inherited the American continent as their Promised Land.  God called prophets from among those people, who taught them the gospel just as it had been taught in Jerusalem.  When Christ resurrected, He came to visit the people on this continent.  Throughout the Book of Mormon, the people went through cycles of wickedness and righteousness.  Eventually, they became so wicked that they destroyed one another.  The prophet Mormon abridged the records of the two peoples, and gave them to his son before he died.  Moroni added a few writings, then buried them in the Hill Cumorah in what is now Palmyra, New York.  When the boy Joseph Smith was 14, he prayed to know which church was true.  The answer he received was a visitation from God, the Father, and Jesus Christ.  He was instructed that no other church had the fullness of the gospel, and that he was to be an instrument in restoring it.  Joseph Smith later received visitations from the angel Moroni, who showed him where the plates were buried.  Through the power of God, Joseph Smith translated the plates.

We believe in modern revelation.  We believe that our prophet President Thomas S. Monson receives revelation for the Church.  We also believe that we can study and pray, and receive personal revelation through the Holy Ghost.

We believe that when the gospel was restored, that the priesthood (the authority and power of God to act in His name) was also restored.  President Thomas S. Monson holds all the authority, but he delegates that authority how God directs him to.

We also believe in eternal families.  We believe that through the priesthood authority and temple ordinances, a man and woman and their children can be linked, or sealed, together forever.

We believe that we are saved by grace, after all we can do.  In other words, the Atonement of Christ is the only way we can return to heaven.  But we have to keep the commandments, and repent if we make mistakes.

http://mormon.org/eng/ has more thorough explanations of what we believe.  What I believe.

I love the gospel.  I love my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am so grateful for everything He has done for me.

VI. The Twins

It makes sense, chronologically, to talk about the twins here.

I was seven when my mom delivered the twins.  I won't even attempt to understand or portray her feelings.  As a mother, I think I can imagine what her feelings might have been.

Of course, I really didn't understand much about what was going on.  I remember my mom was in the hospital on or around Christmas.  I'm sure the doctors were doing everything in their power to stop the labor.  Within a couple weeks, she was 21 weeks along.  She had too much water; nothing could be done.  Later we wondered if it was caused by undiagnosed gestational diabetes, or if the undiagnosed cancer may have had something to do with it.

One twin lived for only a minute, the other was stillborn.  She never got a birth certificate for either, and we never had a funeral.

I remember going to the hospital with my siblings.  My parents involved us in the mourning process, which was probably really wise on their part.  We each held each of the babies.  I remember how tiny their bodies were.  I remember how red their skin was, I remember their tiny faces, their tiny fingers and toes.  I remember how skinny their arms and legs were.

At some point that night, my mom was braiding my hair, and the other kids were herded to the car.  When she was done, I looked at the babies for the last time.  One of them was bleeding, and I took a cloth and gently wiped the blood away.

Though no birth certificates existed, and no funeral was performed, my parents still named the babies:

Richard Alexander (Baby A) and
Randall Bryan (Baby B)

But of course, we believe in eternal families.  My parents were married in the temple for time and all eternity.  Each of the children was born in that covenant.  Our family will be together forever, including my brothers.  Even though they lived for a very short time, they did live!  Spirits resided in their bodies.  No one could ever convince me otherwise.

V. Schools

E.G. King Elementary School, Kindergarten
Westside Elementary School, Kindergarten
Crissey Elementary School, First and Second Grades
Cash Elementary School, Second Grade
Brainerd Elementary School, Third and Fourth Grades
Ooltewah Intermediate School, Fifth Grade
Ooltewah Middle School, Sixth - Eighth Grades
Ooltewah High School, Ninth - Twelfth Grades
Brigham Young University, 2000 to 2006

A few notes:

I remember the cheer for Westside (think in a southern accent), "Two-four-six-eight, who do we appreciate?  West-sah!"

I was a good student, and generally got As.  I got one B in high school, and one or two in college.

It took me six years to get my bachelor degree for two reasons.  First, I wasn't accepted into the School of Music right away, so I was behind.  Second, I had a baby (Caleb) when I was nearly finished.  I took only voice lessons during the next year, and finished my degree the following year.  I couldn't have finished sooner, since I had a certain number of voice lesson credits that had to be taken in succession.

It worked out really well, because Bryan graduated in 2005.  He was sponsored by New Balance for the next year, which meant that he could run before I went to school and again when I came home.  So he stayed home with they baby while I finished my degree.

My degree is Bachelor of Music: Vocal Performance.  I gave a Junior Recital in 2005, singing 25 minutes.  I gave a Senior Recital in 2006, singing 50 minutes (19 songs in English, Italian, French, and German).  It was the most mentally taxing experience of my life, since everything had to be memorized!  I remember sitting backstage between sets, reviewing the words to the next set as quickly as I could.  Talk about stress!!!

IV. Siblings

A. Dallon.  My older brother is about 16 months older than me.  We were so close in age that we really didn't get along most of our growing-up years.  I know he hated it when I had crushes on his friends, or they on me.  Somewhere about dating age, we started to get along.  We had a lot of the same friends; and he started having crushes on my friends, and they on him.  We went to a lot of the same parties and activities together.  He served a mission in Copenhagen, Denmark.  When he returned, he attended Ricks College (now BYU Idaho).  He got a degree in English.  There he met his wife Patty.  Now they have three kids: Zeeli, 8; Emma, (almost) 6, and Adalaide, two days.  Dallon is funny.  He can be hilarious and make people laugh till they cry, spit, or pee their pants.  Dallon is an amazing writer and artist.  It's amazing to see the things he pulls out of his head and puts onto paper.  He is a very thoughtful person; as in, he thinks deeply about things.  He loves the outdoors.  He is a very gentle, tender, respectful person.  Love you, Dall!

B. Sharley.  My sister was born about 14 months after me.  I don't think our relationship was nearly as tempestuous as my relationship with Dallon, but it wasn't as awesome as I wish I could claim.  I was mean to Sharley.  I hated having a little person following me around all the time.  I don't know how she ever put up with me.  We got along better in our teenage years, especially since we had similar interests and even some classes together at school.  During my second year of college, we were roommates.  I still remember instances where I was just mean to her, probably acting out of my own stress and frustration.  Poor Sharley; I still feel bad about it.  Sharley got her degree in Home and Family Living.  She married Eldon, and they have two kids: Cameron, 3; and James, 1.  Sharley is a sensitve, sweet, kind, thoughtful person.  She is a very careful person; careful in her relationships, careful what she says, careful in her PB&J-making.  Sharley is musically talented, both in singing and piano.  Sharley has the gentlest hands I have ever seen.  She and I have developed a close relationship over the years (and over the phone) as we have discovered that we have so much in common, except that she is much sweeter than me.  Love you, Shar!

C. Jennilyn.  My sister was born when I was about 4.  I remember helping take care of her and changing her diapers.  I also remember asking my mom if I could hold her every Sunday before church, promising that I wouldn't drop her this time (I wanted to be big and walk around with the baby).  Jenni and I attended the same school when she was in Kindergarten, but never again.  It turns out that this middle child really took on characteristics of a first child, being so separated from siblings by so many years.  Jenni is smart.  She is successful at whatever she touches.  In high school, she was valedictorian.  She also developed musical talents (piano and singing), and she ran track and cross country.  We overlapped in college for a couple years.  Jenni got her degree in Nursing.  She met her husband Jared in school, and they have two kids: Kaitlyn, (almost) 4; and Madison, 1.  Jenni works as a nurse.  Jenni is a hard-worker, and she is the type of person who can set goals and stick to it.  Of all my siblings, I think Jenni and I look most alike.  Jenni is fun to talk to, and she has a great laugh (and her nostrils flare when she laughs, like mine).  Love you, Jenn!

D. and E. Richard and Randall.  I won't say much about the twins just yet.  But I know that eternally, they are my brothers.  Heavenly Father allowed them to come to earth just long enough to get their bodies, but took them home because they were valiant enough without a mortal existence.  I look forward to the day when I can meet them again.

F. Audriana.  My little sister is about 9 years younger than me.  I took care of this little girl quite a bit.  I remember waking her up as a newborn, just so I could hold her (my grandma was NOT happy with me).  Audri was always a curious little person.  She would moan herself to sleep, in an attempt to stay awake so she wouldn't miss anything.  She got into everything!  She was the ring-leader for trouble when my little brother came into the picture.  Together they flooded the bathroom.  And another time, they dumped Kool-Aid powder on the carpet; then added water to clean up the mess.  The red stain came out of the carpet; but years later when the carpet was replaced, we found a nice stain on the wood beneath.  It turns out that Audri has very mild Asperger's.  She always struggled with learning how to behave appropriately, but she never struggled to love people.  Audri's greatest talent is to love and care about other people.  Audri also has some musical talent, with singing and piano.  She always did well in school, and she has recently passed the test to become a dental assistant.  Audri is always sweet and always affectionate.  Love you, Auj!

G. Jacob.  My little brother is about 10 years younger than me.  I became expert at diaper changes by the time Jake came along.  As a little boy, he won the hearts of all my friends.  He even said he would marry some of them!  Jake turned into quite the tease.  He figured out pretty early on that he could push Audri's buttons, and that was great fun.  Jacob also imitated Dallon in every way.  He wanted to be just like Dallon.  Jacob is really smart.  He has a brain for anything computer and electronic.  He recently began serving his mission in Phoenix, Arizona.  It has been fun to get to know him better through his letters.  He is a good kid with righteous desires.  He works hard, and his testimony is increasing with his service.  Love you, Jake!