III. Dad

My dad grew up in a home full of turmoil as well.  His dad is the sweetest-tempered, most gentle, Christ-like man.  His mom had some unresolved mental issues.  She physically and verbally abused my dad as a child, to the point that he acted out just to get the love and stroking that came after.

Of course, everyone would have said that my dad was a really naughty kid, and he pushed her to the limit.  What they discovered much, much later in life is that he has attention deficit (possibly hyperactive) disorder.  My dad was third of four children.

My dad served an LDS mission in Paris, France.  He put himself through college by working as an auto-mechanic.  He got a degree in business management.  During college, he met my mom.  He was the  handsome guy everyone was after, but she didn't play that game.   Of course, that intrigued my dad, so he chased her.  They got married soon after.   When I was very little, my dad injured his back.  I think it was a very difficult time for him, especially since he had several mouths to feed.  Eventually he recovered, but I think it was a great learning experience.

Ever since, he has been a very hard worker, and never slacked in his duty to provide for his growing family.  He was also a bit of an entrepreneur, so he dabbled in a lot of side interests.  My dad is the kind of guy who is a jack of all trades.  He can do anything.  He is very smart and an amazing problem-solver.

Something else about my dad that I admire is that he has an extensive knowledge about the gospel.  He is the kind of person who ponders, and he is the kind of person who understands eternal things.  If I ever have a question about kids, I call Mom.  If I ever have a question about the gospel, I call Dad.

My dad and I didn't get along too well when I was a teenager, though.  I think it was because I was trying to assert myself (beyond the limits), and he really just wanted what was best for me.  So we clashed.  As I've gotten older, I have learned to appreciate the wisdom of his 24 extra years of life.

My dad is always helping other people.  He is always reaching out and searching for people who need a little boost.  He never expects anything in return.  He is an amazing example of Christlike love in action.  I hope that I can learn to be like that.  Sometimes it feels impossible to reach outside of my own little family, but I know that my dad always does.  Love you, Dad!

II: Mom

How does one even begin to write about her mother?

Well, for starters, my mom is the best mom in the whole wide world.

And you might ask why I would write about my mom before writing about my dad, and the answer is simply that she came into the world chronologically one week before my dad.

My mom grew up in a home full of turmoil.  She was the second of six and the oldest daughter, just like me.  Her father (though he is a much different man now) was very physically and verbally abusive; to his wife, to his children, even to his babies.  Eventually, but maybe not soon enough, my grandmother left that marriage.  My mom was 18, I think, when the divorce happened.

In college, my mom was a very outgoing, social person.  I bet she was the kind of person that everyone wanted to be friends with and that everyone wanted to date.  She was an adorable, petite, spunky person.  She liked to dance, and she loved to sing.  She struggled with test-taking, but she went to college to get a degree in elementary education.  (That's probably why she was/is such a good mom.)

My mom has suffered many trials, and it's hard to see why she needs them.  She's the kind of person who is sweet, gentle, humble, patient, and every good thing!  Many of her trials happened during my lifetime, and I remember them.  I am sure that I never did, nor ever will understand what she went through.  Her older brother committed suicide (he may have suffered from the same mental illness that plagued my grandpa).  She miscarried twins at 21 weeks (I will write more about my feelings on this another time); she was diagnosed with and treated for thyroid cancer (I will write more about this, too); and she and my dad lost their business and home recently.  This is a woman who has borne her trials superbly, and I hope that I can be even just a little bit like her someday.

My mom is a good listener, and a great troubleshooter when it comes to children.  She is smart, she works hard, and she's always thinking about others.  She stays really busy with her two jobs, and I only wish I could spend more time with her and glean some of her wisdom and goodness.

I am lucky to have such a wonderful example of what I want to be when I grow up.  Love you, Mom!

Life Story: I. Locations

Everyone has a story.

I have decided to share my story for the sake of my posterity and anyone else who's interested.  It makes the most sense to me to create chapters by topic, but as chronological as possible.

I thought I'd start out with the places I've lived.  I like to count any place where I slept in the same bed for a length of time.


(Location; # of different homes; age)

1. Ogden, Utah; two; 0-4
2. Layton, Utah; one; 4-5
3. Ringgold, Georgia; one; 5
4. Holland, Ohio; one; 6-7
5. Kernersville, North Carolina; one; 7
6. Chattanooga, Tennessee; two; 8-18  (I also spent a month in Murfreesboro, Tennessee at age 17)
7. Provo, Utah (single); four; 18-20
8. Provo, Utah (married); four; 20-23
9. Lexington, Kentucky; one; 24-25
10. Federal Way, Washington; one; 26-27
11. Pullman, Washington; two; 27-30
12. Post Falls, Idaho (two months); one; 30
13. Coeur d'Alene, Idaho; one; 30

So, in my 30 years, I have lived in 13 different cities and moved about 20 times.  Which begs the question, why?  There are a few answers:  when I was a kid, my dad's business moved us around quite a bit; and once I got to college, I (and then we) didn't stay in one place for very long in an attempt to save money.  After college, we were in pursuit of grad school and Bryan's career.

We are really happy in our current location, and we hope that we never have to move again.  :)

Family Pictures

The Bus

Every parent who sends their child to public school will have to face this question: will I drive or send my kid on the bus?  (Unless you're close enough to walk.)

I rode the bus as a kid.  And I remember it being a place where unsupervised kids would speak and act inappropriately.  One time, a kid even said to me, "Have you ever masturbated?  Nah, you probably don't even know what that is."  The theme of the bus, and also the space of time when we arrived in school and waited in the cafeteria for school to start, was sex, sex, sex.  Luckily I had parents who were willing to talk to me about my questions, but unfortunately many of the questions sprang up after the periods of time on the bus and in the cafeteria holding place.

When Caleb was in Kindergarten, the bus didn't come to our neighborhood because we lived too close to the school.  But it was at least a mile to walk, so I drove him.

The bus started coming to our neighborhood last year, but I still drove him because of my aforementioned reasons.

I have two other arguments against the bus.  One is that I like the control of seeing my child enter the school, and exit again.  I like to be able to see her safely into the hands of the next caregiver.  The last argument is about the amount of time my child would waste being on the bus.

This year, in our new town, Kindergartners go to a separate school called the Kinder Center.  Neither school is super far from our house, but the traffic to get to the Kinder Center is not awesome.  I was driving to two schools two times a day each.  Savanna attends afternoon Kindergarten, so it was a struggle to keep Isaac awake until we could get home for a nap.  But I kept driving.  Then I talked to a few moms about the Kindergarten bus, skeptical that it would be for us.  But they explained that the Kindergartners aren't allowed to sit together, that they have to sit one to a seat.  Not that I think Kindergartners are going to speak inappropriately, but my mind was eased that mischief would be difficult to manage in this seating arrangement.  So I put her on the bus.  My other two arguments were appeased because the bus is a direct conduit to the school.  I felt safe placing her in the care of the bus driver, who follows strict rules to ensure she enters the school when she gets there.  Savanna's a good kids, so I'm not worried she's going to try to wander off.  And lastly, the amount of time I was wasting more than makes up for the time she is wasting.  And if you count everyone's hours separately, the boys time wasted, plus mine, it was so much more than the time she wasted.

And when I told her she could ride the bus, she was ecstatic.  She doesn't mind the wasted time.  Obviously.

I still drop off and pick up Caleb from school.  And next year, when Savanna is in first grade, I will only have to travel to one school.  I'm still wary of the bus for the elementary school; and as it's not very far away, I think I will always drive them.

I'm curious about your thoughts: what do you think about the bus?

Christmas Letter

If you didn't receive an email with our Christmas Letter, it's because I don't have a current email address for you.  Please email me at briannehlindsay at gmail dot com so I can send you one.

Cooperation

I've had a few bad experiences with cooperation.

When Caleb was in Kindergarten, I tried to do a carpool with two ladies.  One of them was consistently late, and then finally just didn't show up one day.  The other lady used the carpool as a reward/punishment for her own child, so she was unreliable.

Recently, I started teaching piano lessons to two kids in exchange for regular babysitting.  I've taught three or four times, but I've only had an hour of babysitting in return.

And then there was preschool.  I'm not completely opposed to preschool, but I have a few objections all the same.  My first and main objection is that kids go to school when they're five.  I like to keep them with me as long as possible (and then gladly wave goodbye when it's time for Kindergarten).  My second objection has to do with the ages and personalities of my own children.  When Caleb was little, we never did any form of preschool, except at home.  When he started Kindergarten, he was one of the youngest in his class.  Also one of the most advanced: when he was three, he wrote "CALEB DORE" in permanent marker on my mom's bathroom door.

When Savanna was little, we were invited to be in a preschool co-op.  We joined, more for the social aspect (both for her and for me).  Unfortunately, Savanna was older than the other kids by 6 months to a year.  And she was advanced for her age.  So while she was learning some social skills, she was bored with learning letters and numbers (in fact, she is still bored with learning letters and numbers in Kindergarten at almost 6-years-old).

This year, my neighbor invited me to join a preschool co-op for Joseph.  This is basically the same story, that we joined for the social aspect.  We had just moved, and I thought it would be a good way to make friends.  Again, Joseph is so much older than the other kids and advanced for his age.

There were four moms, and five kids.  The mom with twins was the initiator and leader.  When she met with me to discuss the group, she said she would be taking double turns since she has two kids.

It turns out that she never scheduled herself for double turns.  I felt a little taken advantage of.  I probably wouldn't have minded if she had told me from the beginning that she wouldn't be taking double turns.  But that's not what she said, so it became immediately obvious that she was in this to gain some free babysitting.  Then she would regularly drop her kids off early and pick them up late.  This just confirmed my frustration of being used.  And I saw her do the same thing to the other women in the co-op.   I might not have minded the extra minutes (or half hours) of watching her kids if she had taken double turns, and if she could have called in advance to let me know her plans.

Another kid is 2.5.  I disagree, wholeheartedly, that 2-year-olds should go to preschool, let alone that she is a whole year younger than Joseph.  And she is really naughty.

I was also frustrated that two of the parents lived in another city.  It is just far enough that it's hard to justify coming all the way home between dropping off and picking up.  One day I could do all my shopping, no problem.  The next day, it was a struggle to find something to do when I really needed to be getting chores done at home.  And then I felt like anything I could do to entertain Savanna and Isaac, meant that Joseph was missing out on that particular activity because I was unlikely to do it again that week.

And my last argument is that when we started, Joseph was the only one potty-trained.  I don't think kids in diapers should go to preschool.  Daycare, maybe, but not preschool.  I'm sorry if I am offending anyone with my opinions on this matter, but I don't think it's right for me to be expected to change four kids during the length of preschool.  I just think potty-training should be a prerequisite to attending preschool.

So I quit.  I felt that my anger and frustration each week were not worth the effort.

I plan to continue preschool with Joseph at home.  This way we will have the flexibility to take "field trips" that he won't miss out on.  It will also free up a lot of time to get my regular chores done (I was struggling to keep up).  And as far as learning social skills, brothers and sisters are good for that.

I wish there was a way to cooperate or barter with less frustration.  It seems that only green bills speak to complete fairness in an exchange.  Or maybe not complete fairness, but some kind of fairness.