Christmas Letter

If you didn't receive an email with our Christmas Letter, it's because I don't have a current email address for you.  Please email me at briannehlindsay at gmail dot com so I can send you one.

Cooperation

I've had a few bad experiences with cooperation.

When Caleb was in Kindergarten, I tried to do a carpool with two ladies.  One of them was consistently late, and then finally just didn't show up one day.  The other lady used the carpool as a reward/punishment for her own child, so she was unreliable.

Recently, I started teaching piano lessons to two kids in exchange for regular babysitting.  I've taught three or four times, but I've only had an hour of babysitting in return.

And then there was preschool.  I'm not completely opposed to preschool, but I have a few objections all the same.  My first and main objection is that kids go to school when they're five.  I like to keep them with me as long as possible (and then gladly wave goodbye when it's time for Kindergarten).  My second objection has to do with the ages and personalities of my own children.  When Caleb was little, we never did any form of preschool, except at home.  When he started Kindergarten, he was one of the youngest in his class.  Also one of the most advanced: when he was three, he wrote "CALEB DORE" in permanent marker on my mom's bathroom door.

When Savanna was little, we were invited to be in a preschool co-op.  We joined, more for the social aspect (both for her and for me).  Unfortunately, Savanna was older than the other kids by 6 months to a year.  And she was advanced for her age.  So while she was learning some social skills, she was bored with learning letters and numbers (in fact, she is still bored with learning letters and numbers in Kindergarten at almost 6-years-old).

This year, my neighbor invited me to join a preschool co-op for Joseph.  This is basically the same story, that we joined for the social aspect.  We had just moved, and I thought it would be a good way to make friends.  Again, Joseph is so much older than the other kids and advanced for his age.

There were four moms, and five kids.  The mom with twins was the initiator and leader.  When she met with me to discuss the group, she said she would be taking double turns since she has two kids.

It turns out that she never scheduled herself for double turns.  I felt a little taken advantage of.  I probably wouldn't have minded if she had told me from the beginning that she wouldn't be taking double turns.  But that's not what she said, so it became immediately obvious that she was in this to gain some free babysitting.  Then she would regularly drop her kids off early and pick them up late.  This just confirmed my frustration of being used.  And I saw her do the same thing to the other women in the co-op.   I might not have minded the extra minutes (or half hours) of watching her kids if she had taken double turns, and if she could have called in advance to let me know her plans.

Another kid is 2.5.  I disagree, wholeheartedly, that 2-year-olds should go to preschool, let alone that she is a whole year younger than Joseph.  And she is really naughty.

I was also frustrated that two of the parents lived in another city.  It is just far enough that it's hard to justify coming all the way home between dropping off and picking up.  One day I could do all my shopping, no problem.  The next day, it was a struggle to find something to do when I really needed to be getting chores done at home.  And then I felt like anything I could do to entertain Savanna and Isaac, meant that Joseph was missing out on that particular activity because I was unlikely to do it again that week.

And my last argument is that when we started, Joseph was the only one potty-trained.  I don't think kids in diapers should go to preschool.  Daycare, maybe, but not preschool.  I'm sorry if I am offending anyone with my opinions on this matter, but I don't think it's right for me to be expected to change four kids during the length of preschool.  I just think potty-training should be a prerequisite to attending preschool.

So I quit.  I felt that my anger and frustration each week were not worth the effort.

I plan to continue preschool with Joseph at home.  This way we will have the flexibility to take "field trips" that he won't miss out on.  It will also free up a lot of time to get my regular chores done (I was struggling to keep up).  And as far as learning social skills, brothers and sisters are good for that.

I wish there was a way to cooperate or barter with less frustration.  It seems that only green bills speak to complete fairness in an exchange.  Or maybe not complete fairness, but some kind of fairness.

Progress

I was not carded for the cough medicine I bought today.

Which means I no longer look like I'm 16.  I'm at least 21!

:)

Advice

Many of you know that I don't ask for advice very often.  (I give it often, probably unwanted most of the time.  Sorry about that.)  I like to figure things out for myself, and I probably want to appear capable.  Both of those things stem from the anxiety, I think.  No one wants to look like a fool, but with anxiety, I desperately don't want to look like a fool.  I can think of a few times when I was the fool.  (Okay, I'm going on a tangent here; bear with me, I will get to the point.)

Once, I said something in front of a choir of 100 people, and it came out wrong, and they all laughed.  And it still took me another minute to figure out why they thought it was so funny.  I was completely humiliated.  And they couldn't let me live it down for a long time.

And another time, I attempted to join an aerobics class.  I have never been coordinated (or maybe I'm so afraid of looking like a fool, that I have not practiced enough to be coordinated).  I couldn't get some of the moves, and I kept losing my balance.  And a few people laughed at me, so I quit.  I know how I tend to perceive people who are tone-deaf.  And I just can't stand being perceived in the same way with regards to body movement.  It makes me sick to my stomach, and it makes me want to cry.  (Yes, we are talking desperate in the form of a mild panic attack.)

So, I'm going to ask for advice, at the risk of looking like a complete fool.  Because as regards beauty and beauty products, I am tragically uninformed.  So for those of you who have longed to give me a makeover, here is your virtual chance.

Here is my situation:  I have dry skin around my eyes.  I suspect it is psoriasis or eczema.  When washing my face, I have to rub my eyes a fair amount to remove all the make up.  If I don't rub it off with soap, it won't come off all the way; so then I end up rubbing even harder with a towel.  (I even tried makeup removing wipes, but their texture was still too rough.)  This perpetuates the original problem.  If I don't wear makeup for several days, it improves.  I apply lotion to my skin twice a day.  So, first, is there a super-gentle makeup remover in existence?  And second, is there a better moisturizer for the skin around my eyes?

I'm hoping to try over-the-counter products before I seek help from a dermatologist.  Thanks!

Ooltewah

O! O!
L! T!
EWAH!
Ooltewah!

Ever heard of it?  I'll give you a hint:  It means "owl's nest."  No?

I grew up in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  My family moved there when I was 8, and I moved out when I was 18.

I went to Ooltewah Intermediate School, Ooltewah Middle School, and Ooltewah High School.

After I moved out, my parents moved about a mile and half away to Ooltewah-Ringgold Rd, which is in the census-designated place called Ooltewah.  (Ringgold is in Georgia, about a mile and a half from where my parents lived [I've heard rumors that Dolly Parton was married in the little white chapel on the main street in Ringgold].)

My parents have since moved again, and I haven't been back there much since I moved out.  I went home for a summer after my freshman year of college.  I went back when Bryan met my parents for the first time.  We visited occasionally when Bryan was in grad school at UK in Lexington, KY.  And I went back for a friend's wedding when I was pregnant with Joseph.  Now that my parents have moved, and I don't stay in really good contact with my high school friends, it is just a place "that I used to know."

Recently, Bryan got a new job in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho (if you ever want a great vacation, come visit us!) with Life Care Centers of America.  It is based out of Cleveland, Tennessee, believe it or not.  Cleveland was part of my stake (geographic grouping of Latter-day Saints) growing up.

Each year, the company holds a conference in Cleveland, and sometimes even invites the spouse to come.  (Unfortunately, this year they didn't invite me.)  They couldn't fit all the employees in the hotels of Cleveland, so guess where they sent the remainder.  Yep:  Ooltewah.

My husband is in Ooltewah this week, of all places.

Other claims to fame:  Ooltewah is right next to Collegedale.  Which is home of the Southern Adventist University and a large Seventh-day Adventist following.  Collegedale is also home of McKee Bakery, also known as Little Debbie and Sunbelt.  (We always got the deadbread varieties at the bakery thrift store.)  Also, Chattanooga was the home of the famous Choo Choo until a lawsuit took it to Georgia (?!).  Chattanooga is also home of TVA.  It is also a location of the Civil War (Chickamauga Battlefield is in Georgia, and Lookout Mountain is in Tennessee).  You can also "See Rock City" on Lookout Mountain.  And Chattanooga has also been known as the "buckle" of the Bible belt.

And of course you must be wondering, can I talk like a Tennesseean?  Yes.  Yes, I ca'an.

Ode to School

What is this felicity?  Ah, I hear sighs of content.  I can hear them!  Gently trickling forth from my own mouth.  Wonderful full-day 3rd grade.  Dear afternoon Kindergarten.  Sweetest afternoon naps.  A smile and a long deep breath for the peace I am to expect for two hours.  Shall we rendezvous again tomorrow?

Boundaries

This week I learned something about myself.  It was in a moment of frustration, and my only option (my best option) was to pray.  And the Lord revealed to me a piece of my personality that cleared things up, which made it easier to deal with.

First, I like rules.  I like to follow rules.  Rules are usually for the safety of one or another party, and sometimes for the convenience of one or another party.

Second, I like schedules.  I like to have an idea of what to expect in my day.  And if something comes up unexpectedly and urgently, I appreciate acknowledgement of my inconvenience.

Third, I like to be communicated with.  If someone has an expectation of me, I like to know in advance, and I like to be asked nicely and with a "please."

Basically, I discovered that I like boundaries.  It makes me feel safe.

This is why I also like routines, budgets, organization, advance notice, consistency, personal space, calendars, spreadsheets, clear job descriptions or list of duties, gratitude, punctuality, music, math, 5-year plan, decluttering, stopping at stop signs, proper grammar and punctuation, nice people, good sleep, Tetris, and taking turns.

I am not a confrontational person.  Actually, I'm a very opinionated person, but I try to filter what I say so as not to offend others.  I'm not always successful, and I hope that you will forgive me for my mistakes.

So this week, my boundaries were breached, it made me really uncomfortable.  I knew I was getting too close to my breaking point, so I avoided the situation.  I knew a confrontation wouldn't be helpful or fruitful, and might even be detrimental.

I knew that avoidance would be noticed, but I decided that I didn't need to apologize.  Not even to myself.  I did not need to feel guilty for doing the right thing, which was to avoid a fight.  I felt relieved and relaxed, and I was able to enjoy the rest of my vacation.

I see it as finding middle ground for myself.  By knowing this about myself, I can clarify what my boundaries are.  Then I can know my limits, and I can avoid those things which tend to boil over.

A while back, I went to an LDS Family Counselor to deal with my anxiety and depression.  In one of my two sessions, he said something profound:

To thine own self, be good enough.

And that's what I'm doing.