Advice

Many of you know that I don't ask for advice very often.  (I give it often, probably unwanted most of the time.  Sorry about that.)  I like to figure things out for myself, and I probably want to appear capable.  Both of those things stem from the anxiety, I think.  No one wants to look like a fool, but with anxiety, I desperately don't want to look like a fool.  I can think of a few times when I was the fool.  (Okay, I'm going on a tangent here; bear with me, I will get to the point.)

Once, I said something in front of a choir of 100 people, and it came out wrong, and they all laughed.  And it still took me another minute to figure out why they thought it was so funny.  I was completely humiliated.  And they couldn't let me live it down for a long time.

And another time, I attempted to join an aerobics class.  I have never been coordinated (or maybe I'm so afraid of looking like a fool, that I have not practiced enough to be coordinated).  I couldn't get some of the moves, and I kept losing my balance.  And a few people laughed at me, so I quit.  I know how I tend to perceive people who are tone-deaf.  And I just can't stand being perceived in the same way with regards to body movement.  It makes me sick to my stomach, and it makes me want to cry.  (Yes, we are talking desperate in the form of a mild panic attack.)

So, I'm going to ask for advice, at the risk of looking like a complete fool.  Because as regards beauty and beauty products, I am tragically uninformed.  So for those of you who have longed to give me a makeover, here is your virtual chance.

Here is my situation:  I have dry skin around my eyes.  I suspect it is psoriasis or eczema.  When washing my face, I have to rub my eyes a fair amount to remove all the make up.  If I don't rub it off with soap, it won't come off all the way; so then I end up rubbing even harder with a towel.  (I even tried makeup removing wipes, but their texture was still too rough.)  This perpetuates the original problem.  If I don't wear makeup for several days, it improves.  I apply lotion to my skin twice a day.  So, first, is there a super-gentle makeup remover in existence?  And second, is there a better moisturizer for the skin around my eyes?

I'm hoping to try over-the-counter products before I seek help from a dermatologist.  Thanks!

Ooltewah

O! O!
L! T!
EWAH!
Ooltewah!

Ever heard of it?  I'll give you a hint:  It means "owl's nest."  No?

I grew up in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  My family moved there when I was 8, and I moved out when I was 18.

I went to Ooltewah Intermediate School, Ooltewah Middle School, and Ooltewah High School.

After I moved out, my parents moved about a mile and half away to Ooltewah-Ringgold Rd, which is in the census-designated place called Ooltewah.  (Ringgold is in Georgia, about a mile and a half from where my parents lived [I've heard rumors that Dolly Parton was married in the little white chapel on the main street in Ringgold].)

My parents have since moved again, and I haven't been back there much since I moved out.  I went home for a summer after my freshman year of college.  I went back when Bryan met my parents for the first time.  We visited occasionally when Bryan was in grad school at UK in Lexington, KY.  And I went back for a friend's wedding when I was pregnant with Joseph.  Now that my parents have moved, and I don't stay in really good contact with my high school friends, it is just a place "that I used to know."

Recently, Bryan got a new job in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho (if you ever want a great vacation, come visit us!) with Life Care Centers of America.  It is based out of Cleveland, Tennessee, believe it or not.  Cleveland was part of my stake (geographic grouping of Latter-day Saints) growing up.

Each year, the company holds a conference in Cleveland, and sometimes even invites the spouse to come.  (Unfortunately, this year they didn't invite me.)  They couldn't fit all the employees in the hotels of Cleveland, so guess where they sent the remainder.  Yep:  Ooltewah.

My husband is in Ooltewah this week, of all places.

Other claims to fame:  Ooltewah is right next to Collegedale.  Which is home of the Southern Adventist University and a large Seventh-day Adventist following.  Collegedale is also home of McKee Bakery, also known as Little Debbie and Sunbelt.  (We always got the deadbread varieties at the bakery thrift store.)  Also, Chattanooga was the home of the famous Choo Choo until a lawsuit took it to Georgia (?!).  Chattanooga is also home of TVA.  It is also a location of the Civil War (Chickamauga Battlefield is in Georgia, and Lookout Mountain is in Tennessee).  You can also "See Rock City" on Lookout Mountain.  And Chattanooga has also been known as the "buckle" of the Bible belt.

And of course you must be wondering, can I talk like a Tennesseean?  Yes.  Yes, I ca'an.

Ode to School

What is this felicity?  Ah, I hear sighs of content.  I can hear them!  Gently trickling forth from my own mouth.  Wonderful full-day 3rd grade.  Dear afternoon Kindergarten.  Sweetest afternoon naps.  A smile and a long deep breath for the peace I am to expect for two hours.  Shall we rendezvous again tomorrow?

Boundaries

This week I learned something about myself.  It was in a moment of frustration, and my only option (my best option) was to pray.  And the Lord revealed to me a piece of my personality that cleared things up, which made it easier to deal with.

First, I like rules.  I like to follow rules.  Rules are usually for the safety of one or another party, and sometimes for the convenience of one or another party.

Second, I like schedules.  I like to have an idea of what to expect in my day.  And if something comes up unexpectedly and urgently, I appreciate acknowledgement of my inconvenience.

Third, I like to be communicated with.  If someone has an expectation of me, I like to know in advance, and I like to be asked nicely and with a "please."

Basically, I discovered that I like boundaries.  It makes me feel safe.

This is why I also like routines, budgets, organization, advance notice, consistency, personal space, calendars, spreadsheets, clear job descriptions or list of duties, gratitude, punctuality, music, math, 5-year plan, decluttering, stopping at stop signs, proper grammar and punctuation, nice people, good sleep, Tetris, and taking turns.

I am not a confrontational person.  Actually, I'm a very opinionated person, but I try to filter what I say so as not to offend others.  I'm not always successful, and I hope that you will forgive me for my mistakes.

So this week, my boundaries were breached, it made me really uncomfortable.  I knew I was getting too close to my breaking point, so I avoided the situation.  I knew a confrontation wouldn't be helpful or fruitful, and might even be detrimental.

I knew that avoidance would be noticed, but I decided that I didn't need to apologize.  Not even to myself.  I did not need to feel guilty for doing the right thing, which was to avoid a fight.  I felt relieved and relaxed, and I was able to enjoy the rest of my vacation.

I see it as finding middle ground for myself.  By knowing this about myself, I can clarify what my boundaries are.  Then I can know my limits, and I can avoid those things which tend to boil over.

A while back, I went to an LDS Family Counselor to deal with my anxiety and depression.  In one of my two sessions, he said something profound:

To thine own self, be good enough.

And that's what I'm doing.

Journal Entry?

I think I can safely assume that the reason no one responded to my interesting post is probably because I haven't written in a while.  And because the blog is private, no one knows when it is updated.

I'll try not to assume that it was so uninteresting that people had nothing to say.  Which may also be true.

So I guess, for now, I'm just writing for my own benefit.  Bryan is out of town.  Which means that the hours I usually spend with him are filled instead with blogging, Pinterest, Netflix, and cleaning.  The kids are in bed, the laundry is done, the dishes are done, the apartment is picked up.

The apartment has been a challenge.  I would liken it unto glorified camping.  It is nice to have a functional, if not super small, kitchen.  It is nice to have washer and dryer in the apartment.  It is nice to have three bedrooms to spread out in.  It is nice to have a swamp cooler, except that the cool air is confined to one space.  It is nice to have a few channels even without cable; I've been learning a lot about decorating and cooking.

We get our daily exercise just walking out to our covered parking space.  We live on the third floor, and it feels like a block to our van.

Isaac has been frustrated with the move.  He keeps throwing his beloved blankie out of the crib, I believe so he can get attention following the ear-piercing distress screeching.  Tonight, I tied it to the crib.  And I'm ignoring the screams; I'm not going to lose three hours of sleep again tonight.

Well, if this gets too long, you won't read it.  So goodnight.

Interesting?

Last night, Bryan was writing a letter to his brother who is serving a mission in Ghana.  When he was done, he read it out loud to me.  Then he asked, is there anything you want to add?  Cute things the kids did this week?  Anything you want me to say about you?  I couldn't come up with anything interesting to share about me, and neither could he.  Hm.

Here's something: I applied polish to my toenails on Saturday.  Bright red.  This is a rare thing for me.  This morning Joseph asked why I still had red things on my toes because "they're yucky."  But maybe that's something interesting about Joseph, and not me.

I find that the most interesting parts of my day as of late are the kids and the things the kids say and do.  And that's really not about me.

I also find that some interesting things about me are the trials I have been experiencing as of late.  But they are so personal that I don't feel like I can share them.  Interesting, huh?  Not so much.

The most interesting things about me are things I used to do but don't necessarily have time for now.

Currently I am interested in restoring old furniture.  I've got ideas and aspirations!  But I don't have the space to do it.  I am also interested in learning how to decorate; but I am waiting until we aren't living in this apartment anymore, which will hopefully be in 3 to 4 weeks.  I am also interested in recording music; I have a bunch of songs in mind.

Yesterday, I filled out a new member form for our new ward.  They asked me to list callings I've had previously.  This is interesting, maybe.  I will categorize them for you:

Primary
Teacher
Pianist
2nd Counselor
President
Music Leader
Nursery Music Leader

Young Women
Adviser
Music Leader

Sunday School
Teacher
Team-teacher

Relief Society
2nd Counselor
Music Leader

Other Music
Ward Choir Director
Ward Chorister
Music Chair

So I am curious what my next calling will be.  Will it be a repeat, or will it be new to me?

It's also interesting that even though our records haven't been transferred from our old ward, we have already been asked to speak in church in a couple weeks.

I think the things I'm interested in are more interesting than me.

Interesting.

Post Falls, ID

Surrounded by boxes.  In an apartment that was never meant for six people.  In Post Falls, Idaho.  Waiting for our house to sell in Pullman, Washington.  So we can buy a new house in Coeur d'Alene.  ASAP.  The end.