Goodbye and Hello

It's still not official, and many of you know how utterly frustrating that has been.  But the change seems likely enough that we are moving forward with our summer plans.

We are probably moving to Bountiful, UT, where Bryan will manage a nursing home.  His start date will be June 18th.

We hope to be able to sell our house this summer.  In the meantime, I am going on a long vacation for two reasons.  One, I don't want to be alone with four children for an extended amount of time.  Two, I don't want to have to keep the house clean by myself with four children for the (hopefully) many showings.

So I will be vacationing in Utah until we come back and pack up our things and move permanently.

Which means, it's time to say goodbye.  I hope to drive away on June 18th.  By myself.  With four children.  By myself.

Wish me luck.  Better yet, pray for me.

Hard Work and Workin' Hard

I just wanted to document this day in history because I feel quite certain it won't happen again.

I have been working slavishly for a couple months to get ready to put the house on the market.  I feel that without the storage unit, this would have been impossible to accomplish.  We just don't live this neatly.  Savanna used to sleep in this room too, but a bed and a crib just took up too much space.  She now sleeps on the bottom bunk with Joseph, each sleeping perpendicularly.  Isaac was ready for bed super early today, so I took this picture first so he could sleep.

This is the boys' room, adding Savanna at night.  We don't have a play room any more, so I moved some of the toys into the kids' rooms (in their closets neatly tucked away in bins) and some over to the storage unit.

This is the boy's room closet and bookshelf.  These are the only children's books left in the house; the rest are in storage.  (It's amazing how the only way to get rid of the bookshelf mess was to get rid of the books.)

Sorry, I don't feel like going back and trying to rotate these pictures.  This is my linen closet.  It was also seriously decluttered.  When it's time for a showing, we will take the laundry hampers with us in the van, and probably some of the baskets will haul other miscellaneous clutter.

This is the kids' bathroom.  My friend helped me clean up the sinks, baths, and toilets.  The realtor added the flowers and towels.  The towel that is going across the top right now will be the hand towel left of the sink, but I found that we couldn't remember to keep our hands off them.  This will go to its rightful place only during showings.

Our bedroom has never looked so good.  There used to be a desk (and all its clutter) to the left of the bed.  The realtor lent us the picture above the bed.  Today I bought the end tables (for a good deal) and assembled them during nap time.  The pillows used to be on the couch, but the realtor suggested we move them to our bed to add color.  I guess I tend to be too monochromatic.

This is the other side of our bedroom.  We moved the bench in here and put the mirror (it used to be downstairs) here.  The realtor lent me the towels and ceramic stuff, but I did the flowers (I'm so proud of myself!).

This is our closet.  It also has never been so organized!  And not too much had to go to storage.

Our bathroom.  The realtor let me some nice towels.  Again, only for decoration.  They're too pretty to use.  Which goes against every practical bone in my body.

Front room.  She let me keep the couches with the covers.  I am grateful to not be shelling out $ to rent furniture.  She let me borrow the pillows and the "HOME" sign and the basket of sticks in the back corner (what kind of practical use are these???).  There's our new (used) electronic piano.  There are things I really love about it, and there are things I really miss about the "real thing."

Bryan picked out the picture a few months ago, and it worked really nicely with the colors in the kitchen.  (We never changed any of the paint in the house because then I would have had to replace the curtains too--I'm either lazy or practical.)  We've had the table for a couple of years; it was on sale.  The bowl is mine (it's Portuguese--found it at ROSS), but the fake lemons are hers.

Cleaned this up real good, huh?  Usually you can't see the countertop under the clutter.  The flowers are mine, the vases in the windowsill are hers.  I also removed several yucky screens throughout the house that I will need to replace eventually.  I also bought two bar stools at the suggestion of the realtor.

The plant will come down to the floor for showings.  The rug was added by the realtor.  I made the pillows.  She let me keep the couches with the couch covers once again.  And again, I'm glad to save my money.  And we moved the picture down from the front room.

I'm not even sure if we will be keeping this, but we needed to put something in this space.  And the foosball table worked great.  I know there's nothing on the walls, but you should see all the fixing and painting we did around the house.

My friend shined this room up really good.  During a showing, we will remove the hamper, detergent, wipes, and black bag.

My friend cleaned this pretty well.  Last night I stepped in a little puddle of pee, so I had to clean the floors once more.  And I can tell there has been some water damage to the floor, but I believe that started before we moved here.  We won't be replacing anything, so hopefully it is something the next buyer can live with or fix themselves.

This used to be the play room.  We painted the whole thing and cleaned the carpet.  We put the two twin beds together to make it a King, per the realtor's suggestion.  I think it turned out nicely!  Again, nothing on the walls.  Oh, well.

We moved the computer stuff down to the storage room, and it fits really nicely in the cubby under the stairs behind the open door.

The other side of the storage room.  We moved most of the junk out of here into the storage unit.  I did put some toys in here.  Again, we just needed something to take up the space.  The realtor's first comment to me about the house was that it was really empty.  But the stuff I put in storage definitely wasn't helping.

We moved a lot of clutter over to the storage unit.  My goal is to show that, indeed, two cars can fit in this garage.  Bryan only parks inside during winter, and it's a pretty tight squeeze.  But it can be done!

The nice thing about this garage is that it has much overhead shelving.  The realtor suggested leaving some of the stuff up there to draw the buyer's attention to all the storage space available.

Our yard is a pretty narrow L-shape.  We couldn't even fit a badminton set anywhere, so Bryan took it back.  There used to be a shed on the concrete slab, but Bryan sold it.  We need to remove the dead grass pile.

This is the back corner of the yard.  We need to move the pool, and under it is a sandbox.  The kids loved the sandbox, and usually mixed it into the pool during summer.  Such a mess!  That house you see in the corner is the Bishop's house.  We don't see them much, but it has been really convenient on occasion.

This is the other half of the L, directly behind our house.  That patio is right off the kitchen, and we usually put the little pool there.

I just wanted to show the hanging plants I bought today.  I hope I can keep them alive.  Oh, and the house on the far left is where my friend (who helps me clean) lives.  She has been wonderful this week.  She even took me and the kids out to dinner tonight since Bryan was gone.  We celebrated her son's 24th birthday (he is severely mentally retarded, and very sweet).

It's official.  The signs went up tonight.  And I have to tell you, the yard has never looked better, thanks to Bryan.  He has worked many hours out there trying to increase the curb appeal.

I also bought this new welcome mat because my friend (who has been helping me clean) suggested I get a new one.  I put the old one on the side patio.

We took the swing down.  We added the rocks on the right curve.  We have been weeding like crazy (and it shows--many people around here have dandelions instead of grass).  Bryan got to use a chain saw for the first time, and removed some of the dead trees on the left.  Lucky for us, the tulips are thriving without our help.  And the roses will come up in the summer.  Note to self: find a new location for the garbage cans.

I find it very rewarding to post all our hard work.  I'm just sayin'.  :D

Some Gratitude, Please?

It was one of those days.

On top of all my normal mommy duties, my day was scheduled to add two visiting teaching appointments and taking dinner to a family in the ward.

Then, Sarah (names have been changed to protect the (not-so) innocent) called to ask me a "huge favor."  Her daughter, whom I used to teach in Young Women, needed to perform a piano piece in two days.  She had been practicing, but some parts were really hard, and she needed to shorten the performance to a prescribed amount of time.  The only problem was that she couldn't just shorten it because there was a significant key change before the end.  They needed someone to transpose the music, pronto.  They thought it should only be 8-10 measures of music, and I agreed to the job, thinking it would take me half and hour or so.

Now, some background.  Sarah's daughter never liked me.  I tried to be her friend, I prayed for her, I backed off, I gave her space.  Sometimes, if she was in a good mood, the glares would disappear.

So Sarah brought over the music, expecting me to have it finished by dinnertime.  I thought, what a great opportunity to serve this young women, and maybe win some points with her (even though I don't teach her anymore)!

Once I got into the music, I realized that I didn't know exactly how she wanted it cut and pasted together.  So I put the boys down for an early nap and set Savanna up on the TV so I could concentrate.  I figured that if I just went ahead and transposed that last 2.5 pages (closer to 30 measures), then the young woman could cut and paste exactly how she wanted and not be mad at me.  With that in mind, I set forth on a journey that ended up taking me about 4 hours (in my already hectic day) because the music was rather complicated.  I transposed it like a perfectionist, to make sure the music looked exactly the same as the original, just in a new key.  I didn't want the girl to have any reason to be mad at me, since I knew I was already walking on eggshells.

Two days later, I attended the event where the girl was to perform.  She did not even play the piece.

I want my four hours back! was my immediate response.  I tried to have Christian thoughts, like It was too stressful to learn the transposition in such a short time.  And, I need to love and serve no matter whether I am appreciated.  And Maybe someday she will understand the sacrifice I made for her, but I need to let this go.

I am fairly certain I will never receive a thank you card.  And I am almost as certain that she will never appreciate my sacrifices on her behalf.

But if she had just played the blasted song, I would have felt appreciated.  And if she couldn't do that, a thank you card would have been enough.  Just a little acknowledgement from either mother or daughter would do the trick.  I have heard nothing from either.

And she still avoids eye contact with me.

My solace is that "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God."  And I know that He appreciates my effort.

But it's still hard.

Efficiency

Fill the tub.  Send 7-year-old to shower in another bathroom.  Put 3 kids in tub.  Wash, rinse. Wash, rinse.  Wash, rinse.  Dry, diaper, dress 1-year-old.  Dry 5-year-old, send her to get dressed.  Dry, diaper, dress 3-year-old.  7-year-old takes care of himself.  Done and done.

Helicopter Parenting

Recently I noticed a headline about extreme helicopter parenting: Should infants wear helmets when they initiate mobility?

It got me to thinking: what are some life skills kids need to learn (that helicopter parents deprive them of)?

Life Skill #1: Sleeping. Kids need to learn how to sleep. A few nights of cry-it-out may make you lose sleep (and hurt your feelings), but the gains over time are worth the effort. Part of this process is allowing the kid to learn how to soothe himself. Which brings me to my next point.

Life Skill #2: Self-soothing. If the parent always soothes the child, the child will expect to be soothed every time something disagreeable happens. Kids are smart; they will become lazy (on purpose). Now, I'm not saying you should ignore or neglect your child, and there are certainly times when mama's kiss or hug is the only thing that works.

Life Skill #3: This one is along the same vein as number two: Self-entertaining. (Again, not saying to neglect.) I just imagine that if it was my responsibility to entertain my child 100% of their awake time, I would never get anything else done. And I imagine that my entertainment could easily need to get bigger and better (and impossible). And thank goodness I have an imagination, because I bet I wouldn't if my mother had entertained me all the time.  (An aside:  I'm not saying you should ignore your children.  Sometimes they need to be shown how to play.  But there should be enough time set aside for them to play alone or with each other to allow for creative play.)

Life Skill #4: Crawling and toddling (without the helmet). Kids learn about the world by discovering. They need to be allowed to "get into things" so they can learn! A baby with a helmet might struggle to learn about gravity, while a kid with a good bonk will learn to be more careful next time.

Life Skill #5: Cleaning up after oneself. His roommates will thank you later. And it can start as simple as having him help put the toys away. When he's older, he can put shoes away and hang up his own coat. And he can put his own dishes in the sink. Mommy won't always be there to help, so kids need to be independent in this way. And I hope that it will translate to messes they make emotionally and in their future relationships. Kids need to take responsibility, as they become developmentally capable.

I could go on, but I think I need to repeat one statement. Mommy won't always be there to help. In other words, what things do I need to teach so that my kids will be successful when I'm not there to help? I think the greatest measure of success in parenting is that my kids know that I love them, and a close second is that they can leave the nest and be successful without me.

I can't be a helicopter parent with four children so close together.  But I don't think I'd want to anyway.

Punctual, yes. Early? No thanks.

I used to have anxiety. Well, I still do, but now I have tools to deal with it. Life is great! I used to feel an urgency to be early to everything because walking in late would mean people would be watching me. Then, there was Stake Conference. Last year, we arrived early. We still didn't get a good seat, and then we had to entertain our kids for the extra time. On top of the already two hours they would need to sit still. Thbbbpt. So this year, we got wiser. As long as we could get there before the meeting started, no one would judge us for being late. We still got the bad seats, but we saved the effort of the extra time. And I was still in the hallway most of the time with the one-year-old.

Joseph is Three, and Isaac is Walking!