Today, I'm too tired to be offended. I'm tired of being too tired and offended.
Let me back up. Iron deficiency anemia can come on so gradually that you are fully immersed in it before you even notice it. I have been iron deficient all my life. But I haven't always been very good at taking the supplements necessary to combat it. So it's no wonder that after being pregnant, having a baby, nursing a baby, and commencing menstruation again (sorry, guys), that I am severely iron deficient now. To the point of exhaustion, being lightheaded, and extremely emotional. Depression is a side effect of iron deficiency; but I wonder if it's really a side effect of being tired, which is a side effect of being iron deficient. Depression can also be a side effect of menstruation; again, I wonder if it is a side effect of being tired, because I am iron deficient, because I am menstruating. Well, no matter. You just need to know that I've been tired.
My social anxiety, which I addressed before, seems to be exacerbated by being tired. Sometimes my social anxiety sits down right next to depression on the spectrum.
I feel like I've been in a rut for about a month now. And it all seems to be related to the above issues.
And one other issue, which is that Bryan is my social life. Let me back up here, too. I had pretty severe social anxiety through high school and college, but particularly in college. It was not fun for me. But when I married Bryan, a very social person (nicknamed "the Ambassador" on his track team), all my anxiety went away. For two reasons. One, Bryan brought friends to me, and I didn't have to work all that hard for it. And two, as long as Bryan was there (to make me feel important and valuable), no one else mattered. Well, at least their opinions didn't matter as much to me.
Problem is, Bryan has been so busy with work and all the craziness there, that he doesn't have much time for a social life right now. Which means, I'm back to trying to have a social life all by myself again. And I'm tired. Really tired. Hence, the rut.
But I'm feeling better. Not 100%, but better.
And all that to explain why I'm too tired to be offended. By the guy in ward choir who rolled his eyes at me because he didn't like the way I was directing. I just don't feel like being bothered by it right now.
So I'm not.
So there.
:p
8 comments:
I know what you mean!!!
Too bad he was unkind enough to roll his eyes, especially as an adult... it's a sign of rebellion and disrespect. You're the leader... if he doesn't like it, he needs to remember he raised an arm in support of you...
Seriously. Eye rolling? How old is this guy? That is, er, um... Christian forgiveness, etc.
I am totally with you on the social life, (although I do have work buddies). On Saturday Eric had to work ALL DAY (Literally, it was nearly a 24-hour shift), and I was on the phone with my mom lamenting my absent spouse. And she told me I should call a friend and do something. And I was like, "Uh... Eric is my only friend."
So, you are NOT ALONE. It can be hard to make friends, and to make friends that you are comfortable enough with to just call and hang out. I wish we lived near each other so we could be each other's friends.
I'm glad you are feeling a little better. No matter the first cause or the secondary cause of tiredness, depression, or anxiety its a whirlwind of blah! And maybe the jerk was rolling his eyes because they are loose in his sockets. Its more of a reflection on him than you anyway. Good for you for choosing to not be offended. I hope the supplements start helping you feel more lively soon.
When Nate graduated with his masters I was super excited for "real life" to start. What I didn't know was that his job would be super demanding and that my "real life" of single parenting and being alone would soon start too. It was a very hard transition for me. We continued to grow our family, and when Trevor came along, I just couldn't seem to get over the hump. I didn't suffer from social anxiety, but depression, like I had never known before, set it. I kept thinking I could do it and that it would get better, but it didn't. Long work hours, occassional travel, church callings, and everything else on nate's plate required that I carry msot the work load at home by myself. Add my part-time job on top of it all and I just felt like I was drowning.
I am telling you this because it sound to me like you are going through a hard transition and I know for me that was super hard. And super lonely. Most of my friends didn't understand because their husbands worked a good 9-5. They could actually make plans and follow through. I never knew when Nate would be home and when or if we could do anything.
In the end, I decided to get on medication for my depression. It isn't a choice that everyone would make, and I'm not suggesting that it is what you need. I just put it out there because it is an option. I was embarrassed and wanted to fix it myself, but it was beyond what I could do alone. A new job for Nate, older kids for me, and different changes in our work life also helped to improve things. Time in the new neighborhood and making new friends also helped.
You and Bry are some of my favorite people in the world and I hope you know that I look up to you in so many ways. I would never roll my eyes at you. I would just bow in complete awe and amazement of your freaking talent! My biggest suggestion for you is to move across the street from me so our kids can play and we can hang out--just like good ol' times :)
Hang in there my friend.
Hey. I'm a complete disaster when I'm tired, so I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with the iron deficiency on a regular basis. And regarding the previous introvert post, I'd like to say that I think your children are the luckiest children ever - to have a Mom that stays at home with them and loves them and plays with them and validates them. When all is said and done, other "friends and social situations" will not matter as much as what you have done in your home - which means you are a pretty incredible person. Love to you and your darling crew.
sorry you're feeling down in the dumps! maybe a little warmer sunshine/warmer weather on the way will help? that is interesting what you said about iron deficiency accompanied by depression... I was/am iron deficient for a while (had a miscarriage a couple months ago and lost alot of blog hematocrite 22 so yeah, I totally felt tired/lightheaded/ and depressed so I can't imagine feeling like that a whole lot more!) but yeah, I'll agree with you that the depression is probabally just being tired b/c when you are exausted you never feel happy and good!!! I hope you can get your energy back up :)
I know what you mean about Bryan being social for the both of you. I kind of felt like when we got married and moved here everybody who was nice to us just liked us because Greg is cool and I happen to be with him. He's funny and makes jokes and is comfortable talking with new people, and I just go along with him and let him do the talking for us. It's been kind of hard for me to find my own really good friends by myself...I think when I got called into Young Women's is when I started feeling like I could find good friends in the other Y.W. leaders.
I'm anemic and get tired a lot too. Naps are great, even if it's just a half hour. I used to inhale my lunch as fast as I could so I could sleep on my lunch break at work, and that was the only thing that got me through the rest of the work day. Now I sleep in the library at school and that helps too. =) I also feel better when I'm eating good and getting enough water. When I eat cookies for breakfast I feel depressed the rest of the day. Haha!
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