Tonight, the young women leaders decided that some of the girls needed an activity on "Femininity," which they delicately renamed "Girl's Night" lest some girls wouldn't show up.
But it got me wondering, what is femininity? The dictionary will tell you that it is "pertaining to a woman or a girl."
But our society, I believe, defines this differently.
I mean, come on, am I feminine only because I wear panties or bras?
Am I not if I don't?
Is "feminine woman" redundant?
Is femininity only describing girly girls? Or women who spend a lot of time on hair, makeup, and clothes? Who are pretty or dainty?
Or what about the days that I don't get a shower? Am I not feminine on those days? Or on those days, am I most feminine because I am too busy being a mother?
I mean, seriously, doesn't birthing three children give me rights to femininity?
But I don't paint my toenails very often. *Gasp!* And I usually shave my legs once a week. *GASP!* And I don't shave my armpits every day. *Faint!* And sometimes, though not in public, I don't keep my knees together. I rarely sit up straight, and I don't look good in a bathing suit.
I have fairly good hips, but no bust to be proud of.
Am I feminine? Am I masculine?
Is it bad to have qualities of both?
My real question is, what does it really matter?
I think girls should be modest. I think they should not be vulgar. I think they should be clean.
But my expectation of boys/men is no different...
I think the thing that bothers me the most is that there is a whole spectrum of women, from the super-high-maintenance girly girls to the super-low-maintenance tom-boys. Why does society, or maybe just the media, want to force us all into a little box of perfection? Should we make young girls fear imperfection, or should we celebrate our differences?
(Disclaimer #1: I'm not even saying that I disagree with the need for young girls to have lessons in social graces. I actually think it is a helpful lesson for anyone to have.)
(Disclaimer #2: And I'm really not feminist, which movement really wasn't about feminism.)
What do you think?
3 comments:
I think that society does place an obscene amount of pressure to create "femininity" when all they really want is for you to shower, put on some make-up and spend a lot of money on clothes and purses.
If you've birthed three kids and are you doing your part to sacrifice so that you raise them correctly, you're fine.
On the other hand, some girls need to know that you probably should look like a girl--ie not get mistaken for a boy, and that girls act differently than boys--ie they're usually not psychoticly running around.
hmmm... I should shave... I still squeal when bugs get on me, I think that's feminine enough :) Really, though, I know where you're coming from and I agree. The world places our value and worth on whether we look beautiful, sexy, thin, have perfect hair and body, etc. It is wrong. Especially for our self-esteem and wonderful husbands who dont care to see all that anyway and love us for the beautiful women we are!
This post has made me think a lot in the last 24 hours about what it is to be feminine. Is feminine the same as girly? Does femininity have everything to do with looks, or can it be about behaviors?
I think it is interesting that for you (and I'd have to agree with you on this point) believe that women should be modest, speak nicely and be clean, and so should men. What is interesting to me is that much of the world would perceive those qualities in a man as weak or womanly. But I think even those lines are blurring and it is become more acceptable for women to swear, be crude, etc.
I sometimes wonder how important it really is for women to wear makeup. I would tend to argue that it is important and that all women should try to be feminine in that way. If I see somebody who consistently does not wear makeup, I am likely to think, "She would look nicer if she work a little makeup sometimes." And yet, if she doesn't want to wear makeup, why should she have to? If she feels satisfied with the way she looks, isn't that good enough. Then again, is it good enough in a professional setting? Is makeup necessary for a working woman? Is dressing in a feminine way required for a professional woman?
Hmmmm... I probably should have just written a blog post about this. We shall have to discuss sometime.
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