Cantatastrophe

Can-ta-ta: (noun) a medium-length narrative piece of music for voices with instrumental accompaniment, typically with solos, chorus, and orchestra.

Ca-tas-tro-phe: (noun) an event causing great and often sudden damage or suffering; a disaster; the final event of the dramatic action, especially of a tragedy.

Hierarchy of the Drama:

J’s husband: counselor in That Stake Presidency (I am in This Stake)

J: Stake Music Chair

Me: Musical Director (this year)

R: Musical Director (last year); orchestra specialist (this year)

D: Marketing and PR

S: choir member

On Christmas Eve 2013, D mentioned that her stake was organizing an Easter Cantata.  She encouraged me to participate, even though I am in a different stake.  In February 2014, I began attending rehearsals.  At the very first rehearsal, I noticed that the pages were not numbered properly, and I expressed my concern to the director R that it could become confusing and waste rehearsal time.  I suggested that we take a few minutes and number the pages together during rehearsal.  He rejected my idea, saying that the ordering of the pages would make more sense to me as we went along.

Very soon after, D called me and asked me if I would teach the children’s choir.  I said yes.  I found out much later that S had already been asked to teach the children, but D didn’t think S would be available to do it.  I never did know how the change was handled or how it was received.  I hoped that S wasn't offended.  I had to forego regular rehearsals to rehearse the children.  In the meantime, D continuously micromanaged my rehearsals with the children.  In the last weeks, I brought the children into the end of the rehearsals to practice with R and the adult choir.

I found out pretty quickly that R didn’t seem to have a lot of conducting experience, no choral experience, and little experience with children.  It was obvious that the children were struggling to follow him, and he was struggling to lead them in a way that was clear to them.

I wanted to direct the children in the performances, mirroring his actions; because I knew I could follow him, and I knew the children could follow me.  In the end, R again rejected my suggestion; he and D ended up asking another woman with little musical directing experience to mirror his conducting in the performance.

I also auditioned for a solo.  I auditioned for three people: R, D, and J.  At the audition, some of the people trying out were not prepared, so R asked if we wanted to postpone the audition.  In my opinion, that is unprofessional.  You should set a date, and people should be prepared by that date.  I didn’t want to have to come to another night to audition when I was prepared the first night.  Again, my suggestion was rejected.  The other problem with the three judges was that they couldn’t agree on who should get the solos, and they did not end up choosing the people who were best suited for the parts because of political correctness.  I did end up with a solo.  And I was the strongest soprano in the choir, according to R (even though I had missed so many rehearsals because of the children’s choir).  For those two reasons, R did not want me to also conduct the children in the performance because he felt that it would be too much movement on stage.

In the midst of the whole process, J began alluding that she might be interested in having me conduct the entire cantata next year.  I inferred that she didn’t think R’s skills were quite up to par.

The performances occurred.  There were many moments that I cringed because of the lack of preparedness of the choir, the orchestra, the director, the children (who still couldn’t follow another adult, who was following R), and just generally wrong notes and missed entrances.  I’m not sure how it sounded to the untrained ear, but it was awful at moments to my own.

Following the performances, J tried to gather all of the leaders for a post-production review.  R wouldn’t make time.  D wouldn’t make time.  It took over two months for all of us to gather.  In that meeting, R was asked how much time he had spent preparing and executing the production.  It was astronomical amounts of time.  He was asked how he would feel about sharing the load.  His response: “It would make my wife happy.”

Soon after, J’s husband informed me that their stake presidency and my stake presidency had approved my calling as the musical director for next year.  I began preparing and contemplating the schedule I would need to ready myself for the task.  I felt like, if R was willing, we could share the load.  I could prepare the chorus.  He could prepare the orchestra.  And we could share the responsibilities of conducting in the performance 50/50.  I felt that it was a very reasonable compromise.  J again tried to call a meeting with all the leaders; R wouldn’t make time; D wouldn’t make time.  We had a meeting without them.  The following month, R finally decided to make an appearance.  He dismissed my proposal that we split the responsibilities.  I asked him how he envisioned it, and he said he only wanted me to prepare the chorus.  He would conduct the performances.

If you’ll remember, that is exactly the frustration I had had with the children’s chorus.  I had prepared the children, he had conducted the performances, and I was ousted completely from the job.  All of my hard work was lost with this inexperienced conductor.  All of my future work would also be lost.

I had two conflicting feelings.  One, that I didn’t need the cantata:  I didn’t need the drama it created; and I didn’t need the cantata responsibilities just to stroke my ego.  And two, that I shouldn’t allow R to bully me.  It was (going to be) my calling, and not his.

The next day J and her husband came to visit me to do some damage control and to see how I felt about the interaction with R.  I explained that I couldn’t see how R and I could work together since he showed no willingness to compromise.

Soon after, J and her husband went to meet with R.  He told them that he was still unwilling to share the responsibility of conducting the performances because “if he didn’t conduct, his standing in the community would go down.”

I was worried that R would sabotage the whole thing if he didn't get his way.  Those with whom I discussed the situation doubted my fears.  Surely, he wouldn't do that.  No one would do that!

I discussed the anxiety I had with my mental health counselor.  She said that this story was familiar, that it reminded her of the war in heaven.  That one offered to do the task, but he wanted the glory for himself.  And Another offered to do the task, and the glory would be the Father’s.  I started to think that maybe I really did need the cantata; that it could be an opportunity to glorify my Savior.  My counselor suggested that I write down my feelings in a way that shed light on the darkness, and be prepared to share those feelings in the next cantata meeting.  I started thinking about what I should write/say.  But I never had the chance.

R and D went to the other Stake’s President, behind J’s back, to explain their feelings about how things should go.  President B was not happy that they did not go through the correct channels to express their concerns (J and her husband).  R and D had already begun amassing their own followers.  And R’s mother had even signed a restraining order against J, saying that “J was the worst thing that had ever happened to her family.”

President B decided that the drama had reached levels of insanity (my word, not his) and tabled the whole thing.  I spoke with him recently, and he said his stake might try it again in December 2015.  He said he was not even sure which of the leaders would even be interested in participating at that point.  He was sorry that I had been caught up in the drama.

What he didn’t say was even more telling to me.  He didn’t say, “and we hope that you will still consider being a part of this.”  He implied that he really didn’t think he needed to change anything about the cantata as it stands.  He said he would form an activities committee to organize the cantata.  He did not give me an opportunity to state my case or share my feelings.

I don’t know how that will turn out.  The leadership in such an endeavor really should be musically skilled.  And I wonder if such a committee, unaware of the drama that exists, would ask R to conduct again since he would be the obvious choice, having done it before.  And then, would such an appointment be approved by the stake presidency?

I am not a dramatic person.  I like to avoid confrontation.  I was unwittingly pulled into this drama.  I feel that the biggest point of contention actually became whether or not I would conduct.  So I feel uncomfortable that the drama revolved around me, when I felt that I was more of a bystander.

I have washed my hands of the whole thing.  I am now completely unwilling to participate in or promote a cantata in which Satan grabbed the hearts of men.  I have other things to do.  I have other goals and prospects, and I choose to be in places where I can be respected.  All of my skills and talents aside, I should be respected because I’m a person.

I know I’m a daughter of God.  I know He has a plan for me.  I hope that He will give me opportunities to serve and share my testimony with the talents He has given me.  And I pray that I can learn from this situation what I can do better, and what not to do in the future.