Cooperation

I've had a few bad experiences with cooperation.

When Caleb was in Kindergarten, I tried to do a carpool with two ladies.  One of them was consistently late, and then finally just didn't show up one day.  The other lady used the carpool as a reward/punishment for her own child, so she was unreliable.

Recently, I started teaching piano lessons to two kids in exchange for regular babysitting.  I've taught three or four times, but I've only had an hour of babysitting in return.

And then there was preschool.  I'm not completely opposed to preschool, but I have a few objections all the same.  My first and main objection is that kids go to school when they're five.  I like to keep them with me as long as possible (and then gladly wave goodbye when it's time for Kindergarten).  My second objection has to do with the ages and personalities of my own children.  When Caleb was little, we never did any form of preschool, except at home.  When he started Kindergarten, he was one of the youngest in his class.  Also one of the most advanced: when he was three, he wrote "CALEB DORE" in permanent marker on my mom's bathroom door.

When Savanna was little, we were invited to be in a preschool co-op.  We joined, more for the social aspect (both for her and for me).  Unfortunately, Savanna was older than the other kids by 6 months to a year.  And she was advanced for her age.  So while she was learning some social skills, she was bored with learning letters and numbers (in fact, she is still bored with learning letters and numbers in Kindergarten at almost 6-years-old).

This year, my neighbor invited me to join a preschool co-op for Joseph.  This is basically the same story, that we joined for the social aspect.  We had just moved, and I thought it would be a good way to make friends.  Again, Joseph is so much older than the other kids and advanced for his age.

There were four moms, and five kids.  The mom with twins was the initiator and leader.  When she met with me to discuss the group, she said she would be taking double turns since she has two kids.

It turns out that she never scheduled herself for double turns.  I felt a little taken advantage of.  I probably wouldn't have minded if she had told me from the beginning that she wouldn't be taking double turns.  But that's not what she said, so it became immediately obvious that she was in this to gain some free babysitting.  Then she would regularly drop her kids off early and pick them up late.  This just confirmed my frustration of being used.  And I saw her do the same thing to the other women in the co-op.   I might not have minded the extra minutes (or half hours) of watching her kids if she had taken double turns, and if she could have called in advance to let me know her plans.

Another kid is 2.5.  I disagree, wholeheartedly, that 2-year-olds should go to preschool, let alone that she is a whole year younger than Joseph.  And she is really naughty.

I was also frustrated that two of the parents lived in another city.  It is just far enough that it's hard to justify coming all the way home between dropping off and picking up.  One day I could do all my shopping, no problem.  The next day, it was a struggle to find something to do when I really needed to be getting chores done at home.  And then I felt like anything I could do to entertain Savanna and Isaac, meant that Joseph was missing out on that particular activity because I was unlikely to do it again that week.

And my last argument is that when we started, Joseph was the only one potty-trained.  I don't think kids in diapers should go to preschool.  Daycare, maybe, but not preschool.  I'm sorry if I am offending anyone with my opinions on this matter, but I don't think it's right for me to be expected to change four kids during the length of preschool.  I just think potty-training should be a prerequisite to attending preschool.

So I quit.  I felt that my anger and frustration each week were not worth the effort.

I plan to continue preschool with Joseph at home.  This way we will have the flexibility to take "field trips" that he won't miss out on.  It will also free up a lot of time to get my regular chores done (I was struggling to keep up).  And as far as learning social skills, brothers and sisters are good for that.

I wish there was a way to cooperate or barter with less frustration.  It seems that only green bills speak to complete fairness in an exchange.  Or maybe not complete fairness, but some kind of fairness.