First, I like rules. I like to follow rules. Rules are usually for the safety of one or another party, and sometimes for the convenience of one or another party.
Second, I like schedules. I like to have an idea of what to expect in my day. And if something comes up unexpectedly and urgently, I appreciate acknowledgement of my inconvenience.
Third, I like to be communicated with. If someone has an expectation of me, I like to know in advance, and I like to be asked nicely and with a "please."
Basically, I discovered that I like boundaries. It makes me feel safe.
This is why I also like routines, budgets, organization, advance notice, consistency, personal space, calendars, spreadsheets, clear job descriptions or list of duties, gratitude, punctuality, music, math, 5-year plan, decluttering, stopping at stop signs, proper grammar and punctuation, nice people, good sleep, Tetris, and taking turns.
I am not a confrontational person. Actually, I'm a very opinionated person, but I try to filter what I say so as not to offend others. I'm not always successful, and I hope that you will forgive me for my mistakes.
So this week, my boundaries were breached, it made me really uncomfortable. I knew I was getting too close to my breaking point, so I avoided the situation. I knew a confrontation wouldn't be helpful or fruitful, and might even be detrimental.
I knew that avoidance would be noticed, but I decided that I didn't need to apologize. Not even to myself. I did not need to feel guilty for doing the right thing, which was to avoid a fight. I felt relieved and relaxed, and I was able to enjoy the rest of my vacation.
I see it as finding middle ground for myself. By knowing this about myself, I can clarify what my boundaries are. Then I can know my limits, and I can avoid those things which tend to boil over.
A while back, I went to an LDS Family Counselor to deal with my anxiety and depression. In one of my two sessions, he said something profound:
To thine own self, be good enough.
And that's what I'm doing.
6 comments:
What a great post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I giggled a little bit when I read "Tetris". Hee hee. Everything else was so practical and routine. But Tetris is definitely boundary driven and predictable, so I guess it fits!
I saw the FB picture of Bryan with his brothers at the airport. I am sad we didn't get to see you guys while you were in town, but understand that vacations are crazy with everyone wanting a piece of you. I have found that for me, I need my own space. Even though my parents are on a mission, and have turned their house over to us, it is not "mine" and I don't feel like I can truly be myself. This blog post was such a good reminder that it's okay to defend my needs. I hope you had a great vacation otherwise!
I think most people thrive on boundaries. Children need them to feel secure, even if they test them. We, as adults, do too. Heavenly Father knew this, I think, which is why He's given us commandments. They help us be Happy!
I'm glad that you were able to understand yourself a little better. I'm sure that feels good for many. I also think that there is definitely a time to apologize and maybe there are times when no apology is necessary. I'm still learning that. I seem to apologize even when I'm not in the wrong. Maybe that's okay and maybe it's not.
This has nothing to do with this post, but as I was leaving my daughters' school today I noticed a poster board with an inspirational quote on it and it made me think of you guys? Why? Because the person quoted was Bryan Lindsay. Bet you didn't know you married such a quotable person, did you?
LOVED this post! Brianne, you write so well. I'm sure it's frustrating to be a perfectionist, but you set such a good example for people like me who need a little more perfection in their lives. I'm glad you were able to find a middle ground in this situation. Don't start letting your punctuation go to seed, though.
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