Recently I noticed a headline about extreme helicopter parenting: Should infants wear helmets when they initiate mobility?
It got me to thinking: what are some life skills kids need to learn (that helicopter parents deprive them of)?
Life Skill #1: Sleeping. Kids need to learn how to sleep. A few nights of cry-it-out may make you lose sleep (and hurt your feelings), but the gains over time are worth the effort. Part of this process is allowing the kid to learn how to soothe himself. Which brings me to my next point.
Life Skill #2: Self-soothing. If the parent always soothes the child, the child will expect to be soothed every time something disagreeable happens. Kids are smart; they will become lazy (on purpose). Now, I'm not saying you should ignore or neglect your child, and there are certainly times when mama's kiss or hug is the only thing that works.
Life Skill #3: This one is along the same vein as number two: Self-entertaining. (Again, not saying to neglect.) I just imagine that if it was my responsibility to entertain my child 100% of their awake time, I would never get anything else done. And I imagine that my entertainment could easily need to get bigger and better (and impossible). And thank goodness I have an imagination, because I bet I wouldn't if my mother had entertained me all the time. (An aside: I'm not saying you should ignore your children. Sometimes they need to be shown how to play. But there should be enough time set aside for them to play alone or with each other to allow for creative play.)
Life Skill #4: Crawling and toddling (without the helmet). Kids learn about the world by discovering. They need to be allowed to "get into things" so they can learn! A baby with a helmet might struggle to learn about gravity, while a kid with a good bonk will learn to be more careful next time.
Life Skill #5: Cleaning up after oneself. His roommates will thank you later. And it can start as simple as having him help put the toys away. When he's older, he can put shoes away and hang up his own coat. And he can put his own dishes in the sink. Mommy won't always be there to help, so kids need to be independent in this way. And I hope that it will translate to messes they make emotionally and in their future relationships. Kids need to take responsibility, as they become developmentally capable.
I could go on, but I think I need to repeat one statement. Mommy won't always be there to help. In other words, what things do I need to teach so that my kids will be successful when I'm not there to help?
I think the greatest measure of success in parenting is that my kids know that I love them, and a close second is that they can leave the nest and be successful without me.
I can't be a helicopter parent with four children so close together. But I don't think I'd want to anyway.
4 comments:
I agree. It can be hard, but ultimately worth it both short term (for mom's sanity) and long term for the child's well-being in life.
The grown children of helicopter parents frighten me. It's a shame that their numbers seem to be increasing.
Well written post, Brianne. :) I had to laugh, though, because the other day Noah wore a helmet the entire time we played at the park. He rode his scooter there and just didn't feel like removing it. I'm sure people driving by must have thought I was a paranoid helicopter mom.
Sounds very wise indeed. You're a great mom Bri.
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