Someone offended me. Over and over. Almost every time I wrote a post, I could expect an unkind comment. I realize that I probably contributed to the problem by reacting. Sometimes it was a face-to-face conversation, sometimes it was a comment on my blog that I was reacting to. And I reacted by writing a generic, hopefully obscure, blog post in response to the offense. I realize now that the offender probably picked up on my reaction and became offended in turn. So I take some of the blame. My most recent reaction, of closing my other blog, actually gave me a lot of relief. I know that it won't be a venue for more attacks. However, I'm not sure where to go from here. I feel uncomfortable with the dissolved friendship. But I'm not sure I want to repair it. I probably should do something to repair it, at least to some degree. But I'm not sure if it's even possible at this point, if it would just be a facade. And I definitely don't want a best friend out of it. (Don't worry, I'm not talking about any of you.)
Now that I'm being so generic, and you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you have any advice? This is a person that I have to interact with frequently.
All that to say, 1) I reread my blog posts to discover what may have been offensive, and 2) I found that I have been stymied in my attempt to write my thoughts and feelings lest I receive an unkind comment of some sort. I lost my creativity. Well, part of the blame lies in the fact that I don't have much extra time lately. The baby has kept me so busy and so tired that when I get a free moment, it is usually spent resting.
I have finally trained him how to fall asleep in his crib so that I don't have to rock him. This frees up more time, and my hands.
This past week included a lot of drama for me. My husband had a ton going on at work, which meant that I had a ton going on at work (home). And several family members are going through really difficult times, so that my prayers at night are filled with their names and circumstances. Because I can't do anything to help, it's so frustrating; all I can do is pray. And then my frustration with the blog thing. And my YW calling is frustrating me, for two reasons. First, my husband teaches the same girls in Seminary, and they are disrespectful to him. It offends me that they would treat my sweetheart that way. And then, one of them avoids me, for reasons I can't understand. How can I do my calling if I can't even reach the girls? How can I do my calling if I feel antagonistic toward them? Oh, and one more thing to add to the drama. My son has warts on his feet. So I tried to treat them at home. It was so painful and traumatic for him, so that it was really traumatic for me. I will never do that again. I felt so bad for causing him so much pain that I couldn't sleep. Luckily, it is healing rather quickly.
Okay, I think I got it all out now. I am returning to normal. Coming soon: happy, creative blog posts for your reading pleasure.
And a little taste of happy now:
Caleb: How can dry-ice burn your skin? I really don't understand. I really want to understand. (He's 6.)
Savanna (overheard): What have I done? I broke my tower. (I just love these adult phrases that she must have heard on TV or something.)
Joseph: Ow-gator. Uh, wock-a-die-oh. (You know, they live in swamps.)
Isaac: Ghhhh.
Bryan: (I can't think of one, but he makes me laugh anyway.)
2 comments:
Brianne you seem to have a lot on your mind. I would say be cordial with this girl but you don't have to be friends with her. Sorry about the whole seminary and calling thing, just keep trying I guess. Maybe if they skip again have Brian talk to their parents. As for Caleb I'm sorry. Hope he feels better.
Love you!
I'm glad you feel relief about closing your other blog. Blogs should not be stressful unless your getting paid to do it. Don't do it to try to please others, do it for personal satisfaction and documentation.
I don't weigh my advice very heavily, but since you asked for some, here are some of my thoughts:
*I had a roommate who I really wanted to get along with, but somehow it just never worked out. She hurt my feelings quit a bit. I learned to not open up to her or share my thoughts or opinions, even if I thought we had a lot in common. I always treated her with respect, though. Maybe this is patronizing of me, but part of me thought, "I can see both of our points of view, but she can only see hers, so I'll just let it go. Someday she'll learn." I did a lot of listening and nodding, but didn't bother to share my thoughts. She didn't asked for them much, either, so it was fine.
*Young Women these days are NOT the same as we were at that age. It's shocking to think of how much has changed in 10 years. I get so bothered when they whip out their cell phones in the middle of my lesson, hiding them under their scriptures, thinking they're so secretive. But at the same time, they have the same hormonal changes, the same insecurities, the same boy obsessions that we had at that age. There are two things that have helped me relate to my YW. 1) I kept a pretty consistent journal in high school and I read it almost every time I'm preparing a lesson. It helps me remember their point of view and how completely all-consuming teenagerhood can be. 2) I have a goal to pray for each of my YW by name at least once a week. If I feel so inclined to elaborate on a specific girl during the prayer, I have the spirit's guidance to help me soften my heart and recognize specific ways to connect to her, even if it's just in my head. Sometimes that's all you need.
Now that I've written a book, I'll be done. I love you, Brianne! Thanks for being so awesome, even if you don't always feel it yourself.
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