How am I doing? Yes, this is a question I've been longing to answer, but with no one to ask it. So I'm taking it upon myself to answer my own question as the necessary outlet I've been looking for.
We have lived in 7 places in the 6.75 years since we were married. We have made good friends in each of those places, but inevitably left them all behind. Most of these friends have become "virtual friends," with little to no contact outside of the internet. And even contact via internet is not usually personalized.
Since we moved here, we have met several families. But there hasn't been a lot of reciprocation so far.
So I spend my days with little children, and only occasionally break up the monotony with a play date or trip to the science center or the park.
In some ways, I am liking my new found routine, which has come about as a consequence to acquiring a more stable sleeping schedule.
I am proud of the fact that A) I have weaned the kids down to 1 hour of TV per day, and B) I have been exercising 20-30 minutes a day (hence my need for the electronic babysitter).
I have also organized most of my house, though not all. I am contemplating several sewing projects, and have yet to put up decorations for fear of putting holes in the perfectly smooth walls.
I also have been very dejected over the lack of opportunities to use my degree/talents. With a wide range of musical knowledge, I am only teaching one voice lesson 30 minutes per week. While I enjoy it, I also long for more opportunities to perform or conduct or just to teach more.
I enjoy my calling in the Young Women, but have yet to really connect with the girls or even the other leaders. I feel out of place, but I faithfully go every Sunday and Wednesday.
My visiting teachers come every month, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel like I can call them in a time of need. Or even when I just feel lonely... Granted, I don't even know who I visit teach, so who am I to complain?
I'm not depressed, but I can't say that I'm happy either. I know I have a few things to work on to make myself a better person, a happier person. And I'm working on them.
I love my kids, truly. But sometimes it's hard to love being a mom. Every day is a new battle, and yet every day produces moments of sheer joy and laughter. It is so draining, and yet so rewarding at the same time.
I adore my husband, and lately feel more in love with him than ever. I love that he works so hard so that I can stay home with the kids. But I miss him.
I guess that's all.
10 comments:
Love this post, it's so honest.
I think we all feel this way the majority of the time, I also find as my kids are getting older and into more activities those playdates just seem to happen less, too much else going on all the time. And really this time with your children is what they will remember as they get older, you are a wonderful mother.
Motherhood is seriously hard and it's nice when people are willing to admit that it's not all laughs and giggles. That most of the time it's pulling your own hair out because your kids won't stop fighting all day, and you're cleaning up one mess after another only to realize that you haven't thought about dinner and your spouse is going to be home any minute. But then something silly happens, like your kids give you a hug and tell you that they love you, and all the other madness doesn't seem as bad anymore.
And then you wake up and do it all again.
I appreciate knowing that I'm not the only one struggling in a new place (even though I've been here for 7 months). I appreciate my routine too, but it is hard to be here everyday, all day. I know the names of the people I visit teach, but one never returns my calls and the other may not even want VT anymore. And I still dont know my visiting teachers. It get's awfully lonely. Phewy
As I read this, I felt I was reading many of my own thoughts the last few months. I feel better now that my hormones are balancing and the help from my doctor, but I still often feel lonely too. Our ward views us as "transients" and no one our age seems to come to church. Most of my friends have moved away from me. And I agree, being a mom is tiresome. And I don't feel like my job is really allowing me to use my nursing skills. When I feel empty I try to think of what "fills" me. But unfortunately if I am unmotivated, I stay empty. So you should come to my house. Or I to yours. That way we won't be lonely anymore.
Wow, I had no idea there were so many lonely moms out there, myself included, all going through the same thing. I could have written that post, except that you sound more put together with the routine and organization than I do. I too feel very disconnected from my new ward and area, I've been trying to get some interest groups in RS going and finding myself much more visible than I'm entirely comfortable with, and frustrated with some of the responses. Why is it so hard to be a good mom and still feel like a person at the same time?
I'm sorry that you feel this way and that so many women do. This is a reminder to all of us to reach out to those around and far way. I'm sure things will improve and I would be happy to call you more often. I always mean to but get distracted. I love you Bri.
Thanks for answering your own question, and sorry it has taken me so long to discover it. I forget to peak up over the edge of my own trenches sometimes, and remember that we're all fighting the same battles.
It sounds like you're doing great on routine. Kudos to you. I never, ever managed to get truly routine exercise until this last Monday, when I finally bought a membership at Gold's Gym. So since Monday, I was exercising, listening to scriptures, and SHOWERING all while my kids were in free childcare! Three days in a row! Whoo hoo! Then today (Thursday) Katy got sick and we're all home for a few days, looks like. So there's no perfect way around it.
This week I also joined a MOPS group. (Mothers Of PreSchoolers--groups throughout the nation are hosted by churches.) So now I'm kind of going to a Methodist style Enrichment meeting twice a month--hoping to make friends.
I'll let you know how that goes. By voice, hopefully. Yes, virtual friendships are hard--typing takes so long.
I'm sorry you feel out of place. I thought you fit in well to our group--but I know how you feel too. I always want to hurry and find my new best friend when I move to a new place. Also, I know of a few people that have been looking for voice lessons...Now I forget who exactly, but it was either the Galloways or Kami Cornwall (who live up the street from you.) Anyway, I'm putting out the word that you are teaching and maybe you'll get a few more students coming your way. I am very glad you moved here and I hope we can still be friends even though you think everybody here sucks. Haha, just kidding. I just had to say that because it made me laugh so much.
PS. Check out my blog. Greg got a new suit and I put some pictures up. They will make you laugh!
I love you! This is exactly how i felt for suuuuch a loooong time when I had asher and ever since we moved to where we now live! everytime i asked a new mom how she felt about motherhood and such i was always answered...i love it! it's the best, yada yada. I always wondered if i was just the only one who felt that yes, i love being a mom too, but i miss my life. i feel soooo lonely at home with this little creature, and NO one to call a friend, and no husband to snuggle with because he is working full time and going to school full time so i can stay at home! It was AWFUL! I LOVE being a mother, I LOVE my child, but i was too scared to say that i also LOVED having a life and seeing the world everyday, and communicating with adults and getting smiles or hellos from random strangers, or feeling like i was doing something "productive" in society. I have learned that it IS okay to feel that way. I've learned that people who say they love being a mom probably did not have as much fun as i did before i was a mom. or maybe they didn't quite live life the way i did, traveling w/o having to carry a million things, hanging out with hubby w/o being interrupted, etc! I sometimes (please don't think on a permanent basis) DON'T love being a mom, and wish i could just run away! But i think those moments are normal. it took us a whole YEAR to finally meet some people in our ward that we can really call and hang out with. but the Lord knows our needs, and he understands. and he does answer our prayers. i love motherhood because for me, it is challenging, yet rewarding. i love my son because he is pure and perfect and perfectly mischievous most of the time, but that's what makes him perfect for us. he teaches me to be more Christlike everyday and because of him i am a better person. thanks for your post. i miss you.
I read this post before, but I'm just now reading the comments. I am relieved (and also very disappointed) to see that I am not the only one who has felt this way. Right now I have very close friends, but I still feel quite disconnected from my ward, even though Eric and I have invited numerous people over to play games and hang out with us. I constantly find myself really missing my good friends from New Zealand and wishing I could go back to that branch. It makes me wonder why there are so many of us who feel lonely. Why aren't we becoming friends to each other?
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