Toward the end of 2nd grade, my family moved to Kernersville, NC. My parents, my three siblings, and I lived in the large loft area of my great uncle Terry's house. All six of us. In one room. Two things I remember specifically about those four months were first, that I got chicken pox first and generously gave it to all my siblings. And second, I remember watching the old black and white movie The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. I only vaguely remember what it was about, but I have never forgotten the title.
Years later, when I was still pretty fresh into motherhood, I remember having a very strong feeling of inadequacy. This is hard, I don't know what I'm doing, how can I make sure I do the right things for my kids, and on and on. When I took the matter to my Heavenly Father in prayer, I felt a very clear reassurance through the Holy Spirit that God had given me my children because he knew exactly what they needed. That my own personal gifts and talents would help to mold them into what He wanted them to be.
And now, fast-forward to today. I'm experiencing some of those same feelings of inadequacy, but on a larger scale. And in my pondering, it came to me that it is not just my own personal gifts and talents that mold my children. My sins and weaknesses do too.
You see, I believe that God is omniscient. He knows everything, including, but not limited to, what I'm going to do and what I'm not going to do. In no way does he force me to do anything, he just knows. And that knowledge, I believe, allows Him to orchestrate certain parts of our lives to our benefit. I believe that "[His] work and [His] glory [is] to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). If we turn to Him, if we ask for help, He can give us blessings beyond our understanding.
So, yes, he sent my children to me; the good, the bad, and the ugly. He knew that my strengths would add to my children's experience. But He also knew that my weaknesses would add to my children's experience. He knows what struggles my children will need to have (sometimes because of me) not only to develop into the people He wants them to be, but also to have to learn how to turn to Him and our, Savior, Jesus Christ, when life is tough. And it is one of my goals (and therefore, a personal strength?) to teach my children about Them. I'm trying not to make horrible mistakes, but when I do slip up, I admit it to my children. I ask for their forgiveness. What better way to teach them about the forgiveness Christ offers?
So, Good? Bad? Ugly? It's all good.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Saturday, January 28, 2017
The Ultimate Career
The other day, I found myself in a conversation about work. Bryan and one of his employees were talking about some of the issues that are ongoing at work. I found myself unable to contribute to the conversation, only in part because it was specific to Bryan's work. The other part is that I don't work. My life doesn't have exhaustive parallels to what he does. And when I try to be funny and insert a parallel (e.g. how many diapers did you change today?), it is absurdly unfunny. At the end of the conversation, I felt frustrated that I couldn't participate in the conversation because I didn't have similar experiences to draw from.
It is hard, sometimes, to place a quantity or value on the work I do as a mother. And it is hard for outsiders to really care about the simple and mundane things I do. But as I pondered further, I explained to Bryan the the most important thing I did that day was to hold my toddler as she was waking up and groggy from her nap. It's so hard to quantify the love and peace and safety she felt in that moment. It is hard to quantify the relationships I'm building with each of my children, and it's hard to quantify the life lessons I am teaching them.
Raise your hand if either
1. You had a mother who loved and nurtured you and made you feel special?
2. Or you didn't, but wish you had?
Pretty much unanimous, right? Society and media places so much emphasis on strong, sexy women. They can have it all: kids, career, status. And the same sources ignore or disparage motherhood as a career. But deep down, we all know that everyone needs a mommy.
C.S. Lewis said, "The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career." Sometimes it's hard for me, but I need to remember this.
Another quote I love is by Margaret D. Nadauld, who said, "Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."
When I read this quote, I think of my mother. She put her family first, and I always knew she loved me. My hope is that I can develop these attributes, remember my ultimate purpose, and be proud of the career I have chosen: Motherhood.
It is hard, sometimes, to place a quantity or value on the work I do as a mother. And it is hard for outsiders to really care about the simple and mundane things I do. But as I pondered further, I explained to Bryan the the most important thing I did that day was to hold my toddler as she was waking up and groggy from her nap. It's so hard to quantify the love and peace and safety she felt in that moment. It is hard to quantify the relationships I'm building with each of my children, and it's hard to quantify the life lessons I am teaching them.
Raise your hand if either
1. You had a mother who loved and nurtured you and made you feel special?
2. Or you didn't, but wish you had?
Pretty much unanimous, right? Society and media places so much emphasis on strong, sexy women. They can have it all: kids, career, status. And the same sources ignore or disparage motherhood as a career. But deep down, we all know that everyone needs a mommy.
C.S. Lewis said, "The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career." Sometimes it's hard for me, but I need to remember this.
Another quote I love is by Margaret D. Nadauld, who said, "Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity."
When I read this quote, I think of my mother. She put her family first, and I always knew she loved me. My hope is that I can develop these attributes, remember my ultimate purpose, and be proud of the career I have chosen: Motherhood.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Going Public
Years ago, I wrote a blog post, I don't even remember which. And someone made critical comments. So I changed the settings to Private.
Let me back up a bit.
I have been shy most of my life. I remember not being shy in Kindergarten, maybe. And compounding my shyness is anxiety. I think most of it is nature, and some of it may have been compounded by nurture.
Either way, I really, I mean REALLY, worry about what other people think or say about me; or in the case of my blog, what someone said about my writing.
I wish I could just blow things off and let them go, but it is much harder to do than to say.
So I'm going out there on a limb. I'm going to make my blog public.
You will find some of my inner workings and confessions here. You will find my testimony. You will find my treasures. You will find my imperfections.
Most importantly, I hope that if you read my blog, you will come away thinking and saying about me that I love God and that I'm trying to follow His Son, Jesus Christ.
Let me back up a bit.
I have been shy most of my life. I remember not being shy in Kindergarten, maybe. And compounding my shyness is anxiety. I think most of it is nature, and some of it may have been compounded by nurture.
Either way, I really, I mean REALLY, worry about what other people think or say about me; or in the case of my blog, what someone said about my writing.
I wish I could just blow things off and let them go, but it is much harder to do than to say.
So I'm going out there on a limb. I'm going to make my blog public.
You will find some of my inner workings and confessions here. You will find my testimony. You will find my treasures. You will find my imperfections.
Most importantly, I hope that if you read my blog, you will come away thinking and saying about me that I love God and that I'm trying to follow His Son, Jesus Christ.
Folded Towel
To give just a bit of background to this story, I will have to admit that:
1. I like to watch crime shows. Not the overly gory and over-sexualized ones, but things like Dateline and the old 1990s real-life forensics shows.
2. I can't keep my house clean by myself. I just can't. I can admit that now. There I said it. Over the summer, I chatted with my friend Karen about organization (a topic we are both interested in), and she let me know that she has a side business helping people with that. So in the fall I hired her to come help me declutter and clean out my house. When we were all done, I realized that I lacked the motivation to keep it that way; so I hired her to come back and help me clean on a regular basis. Now my house is mostly clean once a week for about an hour before the kids get home from school. (Don't get me wrong, my kids still have to do chores and help around the house; I didn't let them off that easy!)
Often, when Karen comes, I let her do all the stuff I don't want to do (toilets and kitchen) while I vacuum, declutter, and put away laundry. So yesterday, I was working on a pile of towels that had been washed, dried, and dumped on my bedroom floor. As I was going through the towels, I came across a towel that had already been folded. I must have folded it, forgotten about it, and dumped it into the pile without realizing (or caring?). When I came across the towel, I knew I must have folded it; or at least someone did. It couldn't have just magically dropped in such a perfect way as to end up with three folds producing a (nearly) perfect square. It seems so obvious that the simple explanation is that the towel was already folded before it landed in the pile.
Many of the crime shows I have watched show how forensics can prove that someone was somewhere doing something. The prosecution can suggest with near certainty that someone was somewhere doing something. That the chances of the evidence being there without someone doing something is impossible. Therefore, they solve crimes, criminals get convicted, and balance is restored.
As I pondered the folded towel, it was clear to me that I had folded the towel and dropped it in the pile. It was not really a question of if, more a question of when and why.
So why is it so hard for some people to believe in God? If a rectangular towel, folded three times, can't land in a pile neatly, then how can you explain more complex systems we see in the universe all the time? What about the planets, the stars, the solar systems, and the galaxies? What about the telescopes and photography that allow us to see them? What about atoms and molecules and chemicals? What about organic systems like reproduction, digestion, respiration, circulation, nervous; just to name a few? If my towel didn't just drop neatly into three folds, then how could our world, with all its complexities, just drop neatly into place?
It brings new meaning to the scripture that "all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator" (Alma 30:44).
I do believe in God. I believe that it is clearly apparent that He is there/here. All we have to do is look around us, and we can see that He is in all things; He is watching over us.
1. I like to watch crime shows. Not the overly gory and over-sexualized ones, but things like Dateline and the old 1990s real-life forensics shows.
2. I can't keep my house clean by myself. I just can't. I can admit that now. There I said it. Over the summer, I chatted with my friend Karen about organization (a topic we are both interested in), and she let me know that she has a side business helping people with that. So in the fall I hired her to come help me declutter and clean out my house. When we were all done, I realized that I lacked the motivation to keep it that way; so I hired her to come back and help me clean on a regular basis. Now my house is mostly clean once a week for about an hour before the kids get home from school. (Don't get me wrong, my kids still have to do chores and help around the house; I didn't let them off that easy!)
Often, when Karen comes, I let her do all the stuff I don't want to do (toilets and kitchen) while I vacuum, declutter, and put away laundry. So yesterday, I was working on a pile of towels that had been washed, dried, and dumped on my bedroom floor. As I was going through the towels, I came across a towel that had already been folded. I must have folded it, forgotten about it, and dumped it into the pile without realizing (or caring?). When I came across the towel, I knew I must have folded it; or at least someone did. It couldn't have just magically dropped in such a perfect way as to end up with three folds producing a (nearly) perfect square. It seems so obvious that the simple explanation is that the towel was already folded before it landed in the pile.
Many of the crime shows I have watched show how forensics can prove that someone was somewhere doing something. The prosecution can suggest with near certainty that someone was somewhere doing something. That the chances of the evidence being there without someone doing something is impossible. Therefore, they solve crimes, criminals get convicted, and balance is restored.
As I pondered the folded towel, it was clear to me that I had folded the towel and dropped it in the pile. It was not really a question of if, more a question of when and why.
So why is it so hard for some people to believe in God? If a rectangular towel, folded three times, can't land in a pile neatly, then how can you explain more complex systems we see in the universe all the time? What about the planets, the stars, the solar systems, and the galaxies? What about the telescopes and photography that allow us to see them? What about atoms and molecules and chemicals? What about organic systems like reproduction, digestion, respiration, circulation, nervous; just to name a few? If my towel didn't just drop neatly into three folds, then how could our world, with all its complexities, just drop neatly into place?
It brings new meaning to the scripture that "all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator" (Alma 30:44).
I do believe in God. I believe that it is clearly apparent that He is there/here. All we have to do is look around us, and we can see that He is in all things; He is watching over us.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Bad DAY
I had a really hard day on Friday. I was dealing with some disappointment, I was dealing with a lack of sleep, and I was feeling lonely. But I learned two things.
1. I told Bryan that I really wished that someone would feel prompted to call me. That it's really frustrating, sometimes, when everyone thinks you must be okay because you go to church every week and put on a smiling face. Well, Sunday came, and my friend told me that she thought about calling me several times, but she was sick. While I'm sad that she didn't act on those promptings, I knew that Heavenly Father had sent them. And I know that he loves me.
2. It really was only a day. In the past, I have gotten sucked into depression because I let my sad feelings linger and take hold of me. I'm learning, and sometimes succeeding, how to let a bad day be just one day. I'm learning how to recognize that the feelings don't last, that life moves on, and I can let go and move on. This is the perfect example of the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He is making me more than I can be on my own.
1. I told Bryan that I really wished that someone would feel prompted to call me. That it's really frustrating, sometimes, when everyone thinks you must be okay because you go to church every week and put on a smiling face. Well, Sunday came, and my friend told me that she thought about calling me several times, but she was sick. While I'm sad that she didn't act on those promptings, I knew that Heavenly Father had sent them. And I know that he loves me.
2. It really was only a day. In the past, I have gotten sucked into depression because I let my sad feelings linger and take hold of me. I'm learning, and sometimes succeeding, how to let a bad day be just one day. I'm learning how to recognize that the feelings don't last, that life moves on, and I can let go and move on. This is the perfect example of the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He is making me more than I can be on my own.
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Three Secrets to Success in Marriage
I feel that the movies and books on romance send a message that love is always supposed to feel new. And when it doesn't anymore, it makes you wonder if you are missing something. In fact, the movies, and even real life reflect that: we fell out of love, we grew apart, something changed; so now we are going to peacefully separate and go our different ways.
I even feel the slightest bit irritated when people post Facebook statuses (stati?) about how they are still "so in love" after all these years, and they make it sound like they have found the fountain of youthful-marriage.
Here's the thing: I love my husband! It is fun to think about when it was new, it helps to freshen up the mundane. But my love for him has changed into something a bit more mature. If I could offer one secret, it would be this: marry your best friend. Attraction is good, and it has its place; but make sure that you enjoy each other in many, many other ways. Bryan is my best friend in every sense. We still occasionally feel surprised that we never run out of things to talk about. And sometimes we talk about the same old things, but it is still not boring. I love to know what he is thinking about and how he views things. When we are apart, we still look forward to being together again.
The second secret, get ready for it! is forgiveness. Living together all the time, having children, the fact that you are actually two different people with two different sets of experiences means that occasionally you will hurt one another, you will be irritated, and you will be frustrated. When you choose (yes! it's a choice!) to forgive, and when you choose (yes! another choice!) to repent (feel bad, be sorry, and change for the better), the marriage gets stronger.
And last, but not least, is Christ. A marriage is a triangle with Christ at the top, and the husband and wife taking each of the other corners. As each spouse comes closer to Christ, they come closer to each other. It takes effort, but it is worth it.
I'm not claiming, in any way, that our marriage is perfect. It's not even close. But I feel like it is pretty successful.
I feel very blessed to have Bryan as a husband. He is really great. He has so many gifts and talents that I don't have. I know this sounds cliche, but he complements me. He fills in my holes, and he inspires me to be better. He is kind, he is smart, and he has great legs. Just kidding. Actually, no, I'm not kidding.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Just Call Me Debbie
I had a mental health counselor in Coeur d'Alene that really helped me through a lot of things. One thing she said I will never forget: "What you resist will persist." In other words, if you run or hide or avoid or distract yourself from your negative thoughts, they eventually catch up to you. But if you turn and face them, name them, there is usually a way to move beyond.
I have been seeing a pattern in my depression this year. It usually occurs at the end of the day on special holidays. Particularly Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday. As I have faced it, I discovered a name for it. Loneliness.
My counselor suggested that you are at higher risk for depression when you are H.A.L.T. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. I find that I am very susceptible to Tired, but I've also found that Loneliness is the worst for me. My train of thought goes something like this:
I feel lonely=Nobody wants me=I should disappear.
While I'm not suicidal, I do feel a strong urge to withdraw from everyone.
What's hard about these holidays is that I know they're coming, and I dread them. I can't seem to face the oncoming train. It's also hard to be separated from all family and close friends.
I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. But when I did, I felt surprisingly better. I had a good cry last night, wore myself out, slept until 8:30, and I felt like I could manage the day. The kids were really helpful in picking up the house with pretty good attitudes.
Now that Thanksgiving is over, I just have to get through Christmas.
I have been seeing a pattern in my depression this year. It usually occurs at the end of the day on special holidays. Particularly Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday. As I have faced it, I discovered a name for it. Loneliness.
My counselor suggested that you are at higher risk for depression when you are H.A.L.T. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. I find that I am very susceptible to Tired, but I've also found that Loneliness is the worst for me. My train of thought goes something like this:
I feel lonely=Nobody wants me=I should disappear.
While I'm not suicidal, I do feel a strong urge to withdraw from everyone.
What's hard about these holidays is that I know they're coming, and I dread them. I can't seem to face the oncoming train. It's also hard to be separated from all family and close friends.
I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. But when I did, I felt surprisingly better. I had a good cry last night, wore myself out, slept until 8:30, and I felt like I could manage the day. The kids were really helpful in picking up the house with pretty good attitudes.
Now that Thanksgiving is over, I just have to get through Christmas.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)